Believe Me? (Jalex, boyxboy)

24 - Apology Accepted

I didn't get much sleep on Saturday night. When I finally managed to close my sleepy eyes for more than a second the sun was rising and my head was pounding. I hated what was going on with me right now. Everything was so complicated and I couldn't go for more than two minutes without thinking about Jack.

Eventually I plucked up the courage to go to his house during the afternoon. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep, but I knew that it wouldn't be possible if I didn't finish my conversation with Jack. I just wanted to sort this whole mess out and then go home. At this point I was all too prepared to be completely rejected, I just didn't want to actually hear it.

I knocked on the Barakat's front door, waiting a few moments before it was answered by none other than who I was looking for. He looked as tired as I felt, but as gorgeous as ever. Just like always. "Hey..." He trailed, leaning up against the door frame and avoiding looking me in the eyes.
"Can I come in?" I cut straight to the chase, not having the energy for small talk.
"Sure" Jack frowned, stepping back and making room for me to walk inside. He made his way up the stairs and left me to close the door and follow him. I watched him go up the steps before slowly letting the door click shut behind me and following him to his room.

It was cleaner than usual, but the sheets on the bed were totally messed up. I got that he was probably just as upset about this whole thing as I was and hadn't left his bed until recently. He perched on the edge of his mattress, sad brown eyes burning into me and making waves of shame wash over me, my stomach dropped as I stood in the doorway. I longed for the days where we would cuddle on that bed in silence with the confidence that everything was okay.

"I guess you're here to talk about last night?" Jack asked with a sigh.
"Yep...." I frowned in response, the tension in the room soaring and my chest tightening with every passing second.
"Have you....um, have you thought about it?"
"I haven't changed my mind, if that's what you're asking."
"Well neither have I"

I cringed at the words about to leave my mouth, I didn't want to say them, but I had no other response, my throat felt like it was swelling as I forced out "Well I guess we're not going to work out then..." In a small voice.
"I guess we're not" Jack sighed, putting his head in his hands. "I love you though" His voice cracked "It's not fair"
"I know...I love you too" I sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, feeling my heart explode and the lump in my throat form tears in my eyes.
"Don't" He shrugged me off, shuffling away and wiping his wet eyes on his sleeve. He sighed. "I know you just got here, but you should go."

I respected his request, even after only being in his house for five minutes, we'd come to our conclusion and staying would make things worse. Despite loving each other, we wanted very different things, and that broke my heart. I wanted to be his boyfriend but he wanted to hide me. That wasn't okay and my decision was final. If he couldn't be open with me then he couldn't have me at all.

I walked down the stairs alone. I walked out of the door alone. I walked the short distance back to my house alone, but didn't enter. I sat on the stairs of the porch with my face buried in the palms of my hands. I was trying not to cry with everything I had. I needed to get over him sooner rather than later, I wanted to be back to who I was before I was with Jack.

The buzzing of my phone in my pocket brought me back to reality. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, but in case it was something important, I pulled out my mobile to check the caller I.D. When Matt's name appeared on the screen I wasted no time, pressing answer quicker than I ever had before. I held the phone close to my ear, clearing my throat before hearing my best friend speak.
"Hey man....I'm sorry" He spoke slowly, apologetically, not like his usual self but with more life than the last few times I'd attempted conversation.
"It's okay...." Was all I could think to mutter in response.
"No, It's not, I was just so wrapped up in everything that happened with my dad and my girlfriend dumping my I completely ignored you, and that was so shitty of me. I'm sorry."
"Really, Matt, don't worry about it, apology accepted, I get that you weren't in a good place"
"Thanks...so we're cool now?"
"Definitely."

My chest loosened it's tight grip on my organs by a fraction. It felt good being in the clear with Matt, I'd missed him dearly for the past weeks that he was ignoring me. It had felt like he'd left the country or something, I was just glad to have him back.

"So what's been happening with you and Jack?" My friend finally spoke up after moments of comfortable silence.
I sighed into the phone, pressing the palm of my hand to my forehead. "We broke up."
"Fuck Alex, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, really."
"Don't worry about it, apology accepted, remember?"
"Yeah...Thanks for being so cool dude, You're great"
"You're great too, but anyway, I've got to get going, I've got some work to catch up on, I'll see you tomorrow"
"See you"

And then he was gone. It was simple as that to stitch our friendship and lighten my mood. Things were brightening up and as much as my heart ached from the conversation with Jack I was finally able to focus on something positive, I had my best friend back, I only hoped that things would continue to improve.