Believe Me? (Jalex, boyxboy)

12 - Secret Boyfriends

I found being in a relationship weird. The whole concept of it unsettled me, and don't get me wrong, I loved the idea of having Jack all to myself and having such a close bond with him. It was just that to start with I wasn't sure what to do with myself, we weren't out of the closet and our relationship was very limited due to the secrecy. But despite all of that I found myself feeling ten times happier, I caught myself thinking about him most of the time, how he smiled, how his lips felt on mine. I got butterflies more times in one day than I could count.
After months of crushing on my neighbor, by some miracle he felt the same way and wanted to be with me. I barely believed it. I spent nights convincing myself that it was all real and that I hadn't gone insane and fabricated a false relationship.

It was Tuesday, only a day or so after Jack and I had become boyfriends. We sat at the lunch table with our friends, holding hands under the table like nervous twelve year olds. We smiled at our lunch trays, and I noted the twitch of Jack's hand every time somebody reached for their bag, he was terrified of people finding out and I struggled to see why. Our friends were so chilled about everything.

Nobody suspected a thing between us, to surrounding eyes we were just extremely close. Matt was the only one that knew anything about the situation, and even then he only knew half of the story. I figured that if he hadn't have caught us kissing that night then he would have been jealous of my new found friendship, but he knew there was more between Jack and I.

Having a secret boyfriend was harder than it sounded, you'd think sneaking around would be kind of thrilling, and for the most part it was, just when your partner was reluctant to even kiss you in an empty room with the fear that somebody would burst in with guns blazing, ready to start spreading word, it was difficult. I understood that he just wasn't ready to take small risks yet, but I simply couldn't get enough of him, and I could tell that he felt the same. Every time I would take his chin in my hand to make him look at me, he would face me with a sweet smile, or adoring eyes. So when I lightly pushed him against a faucet in the school bathrooms to kiss him, I had to force myself to remember how uneasy it made him feel.

Back at the lunch table Tay had decided to drop in. Nobody had seen her all morning so naturally all conversation turned to her, everyone asking how she was, it was no lie that everyone loved her. If anything, that was literal for most of the guys. They practically swooned every time they made eye contact with her, and I couldn't help find it funny that she was so oblivious, ranting about her boyfriend from across town.

She blabbed on about how in love she was and how determined she was to make it work even though they went to separate schools, it sounded more like puppy love than anything and I struggled to not roll my eyes at her lovey dovey speech. If she was happy then I had to be supportive.

In my opinion, relationships like that never lasted, you have to be real with your significant other, not put up a sickly sweet and overly caring front whenever you're with them. But Tay was so set on spending an eternity with this guy that it would feel wrong to even bring up the subject of break ups around her.
But honestly, love after a month? She was rushing into something she knew nothing about. I thought of myself and Jack once again, glancing at our hands under the table and smiling. I would surely take thing further with him, and maybe even fall in love, but I would do my best not to rush.

From experience I was aware of how mis-communication began and I knew how sustain a healthy relationship, whether it be from experience or what I'd seen with my friends. But it takes two to tango and I just really hoped that Jack would be the kind of guy to express what he felt. I wanted us to last.

I felt Jack's hand quickly slip away from mine as the bell rang and as everyone fussed to get their bags and belongings I planted a kiss on Jack's cheek and played it off as if I was whispering in his ear. There was no doubting the smile on his face, but he gave me a look that told me not to do it again.