Caffeinated-------z.m.

Spill The Tea

Zayn Malik - June 24, 2018

I read over the lyrics I wrote 3 years ago. They got leaked then which I'm kinda pissed off about because of that poser Naughty Boy. I'm so glad I got rid of him. I still really like the song though so I want to release it on my second solo album and hopefully everyone forgot about the leak.

As I sit in the recording studio with my assistant Taryn and one of my best friends Mateo, I'm thinking if I want to change any of the lyrics in the song. I choose not to because it's already one of my favorite songs I've written.

"I think I'm ready to start to record the song." I tell Taryn. Being my assistant and one of the only people I trust, she's gotten used to helping me record songs. I walk into the recording room and Taryn gives me a thumbs up signalling for me to start singing.

Don't look around 'cause love is blind
And darling right now, I can't see you
I'm feeling proud so without a doubt
I can feel you

'Cause we are who we are
When no one's watching
And right from the start
You know I got you

I finish the song and put the headphones back on the mic. We had to redo some parts and then I added the back up vocals. Mateo does the instrumentals and the song is done. I have ten songs done now for the album. That's only a third of what I want to put on the album. I know it sounds excessive but I use song writing as a coping mechanism for my anxiety.

Anxiety has always been something I've always struggled with. It hit its peak in late 2014 and my eating disorder also hit its peak at the same time. I had to leave the band and my brothers. It was a hard decision to make but I knew I had to do it for my health. The fans didn't think so because everyone started hating on me for leaving. Ugh.

--------

I was a little surprised that Olivia didn't know who I was at first, but I was glad too. It was nice having a normal friend that isn't involved with my "fame" life. I hate the word fame. It makes me feel like everyone thinks I'm entitled and arrogant and I hate it. If only they knew me.

In this moment I knew I had to tell Liv who I actually was. Keeping it from her is like not telling your mom you stole 20 bucks from her purse to buy a bunch of comics. I've never done that but I imagine what it feels like. Liv knew me and she knows I'm not an arrogant famous prick. But I at least want her to know so if any paparazzi showed up, she wouldn't be too scared.

"Hey Liv, I wanted to talk to you so meet me on the beach by the cafe, um, you remember it right? I'll send you the address if you, erm, forgot... Ok um, bye see you then." God, why was I so nervous? I really hope she came because I had just left her a voicemail. I waited on the beach for a little bit until I saw her car pull up. I remembered what I had rehearsed and hoped that she didn't go off the script in my head.

"Hey Z, I heard your voicemail! What do you need to talk to me about?" She asked and when she said my nickname, I got butterflies. Wait no, that's weird. I smiled at her and blanked. I forgot my part of the script.

"Z, you ok?" She looked at me with her head turned and eyebrows furrowed. I swallowed and nodded.

"Um, I've been wanting to get something off my chest ever since we'd met and I don't really know how to say it because it's kind of a big secret but not to everyone. Well, actually to a lot of people it's not a um, big secret." I word vomited and mentally face palmed.

Olivia laughed and took my hand. we walked over to a more secluded part of the beach. Liv was so good at knowing my emotions and how to handle them.