Sigh No More [a One Direction fanfic]

Chapter 18 Everyone Falls

Harry and I cuddled on the couch until Sophie and Mandy came. I didn’t tell him what had happened between me and George, I didn’t feel like it. With Harry’s arms wrapped around me I felt like I was healing. That part of my heart that George took out and threw away felt like it was healing. Just his touch was healing to me. To feel like someone truly cares about you heals you. No words were said except when Harry told me how beautiful I was. And in that moment I believed what he said. I believed what he said because he looked me deep in my eyes and I saw how he was slightly hurt that I didn’t tell him what was wrong. But he didn’t say it; he just told me I was beautiful. I’ve never been in love, but I think this is what it feels like.

Mandy and Sophie stepped in to the living room and they were quite quiet. They didn’t say much and they looked at me as I was a little kid who had lost her teddy bear. I went to the toilet because the tension was so strong. I looked at myself in the mirror and breathed out 10 times before I opened the door and went back to the living room where they all sat, before I entered I could hear Harry speak loud.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry asked someone with a harsh voice.

“She just asked me to pick her up, so I did. I didn’t know what she had been through before I got there!” Louis answered quietly.

“Why wouldn’t she want to tell me when she got hurt?” Harry said still with his harsh voice.

“I don’t know! Maybe she didn’t want to make you worried” Louis said.

“Harry, you need to know something about Caz, she don’t like to talk about her feelings or hard things. She keeps them inside and deals with them herself” Sophie said.

“But she told me all about George, how they broke up and what she thought about him!” Harry said.

“She only told you of George because she thought you deserved to know why she was here, Harry. We don’t get to know everything either nor does her parents. She thinks a lot, a lot more than she should. Because she overthinks things” Mandy said.

“But why didn’t she tell me? I shouldn’t get to know these things on twitter! She knows she can tell me everything, I just can’t believe she didn’t tell me. And the fact that they kissed?” Harry said and he almost spat at the last thing.

“She would never kiss him, not ever” Sophie said. “She even has his number in her phone under ‘asshole’”.

“I deleted his number” I said quietly as I stepped in to the living room. “And I didn’t kiss him back. I don’t love him anymore, Harry. He told me he still loved me, but I don’t. I said good bye for real this time. I’ve closed the George box and I’ve thrown the key away. And the reason I didn’t tell you right away Harry and that I didn’t call you, is that I don’t like it when people see how vulnerable I am. It makes me look weak”.

“Love, you’re not weak. You’re the strongest girl I’ve ever known” Mandy said.

Harry stood up and took my hand and walked me to his room and closed the door. He sat me down on his bed and he sat himself next to me.

“Caz, you’re like a clam. You have this shell around you and you only open up when you want to and I lov- really like when you open up to me. But the thing is that under that shell is the most beautiful pearl I’ve ever seen. And I now you may be afraid someone will hurt you the way George hurt you. But you have to know, I won’t ever, ever do that to you, okay?” he said looking at me.

“I loved George so much, I opened my heart to him, and I gave him a part of myself that only he could touch. I literally give him razors and a map of where to cut the deepest in my heart and soul. And he did and it felt like getting my heart carved out, you can’t imagine the pain I felt.             But at the same time I felt nothing. And I had that feeling today when I met him, I felt nothing. The only thing that ran through my mind was why he wanted to hurt me? I did only love him with all my heart, that’s all I could give him. But it wasn’t enough for him” I said emotionless. “But I guess love is like handing someone a gun letting it point to your head and believe that he won’t pull the trigger”. “I won’t ever, ever pull the trigger” was all he said and then he kissed me intensely. He placed kisses everywhere.