Blood On The Altar

Chapter 14

For some reason, my nightmares were different tonight. Instead of it being just Ronan, or a memory, I'm surrounded by a crowd of mermaids and mermen. We're near the Whispering Reef, and they're making a circle around me, disgust etched on their faces. A confused expression appears on my own as I look around, trying to figure out what is going on.

It suddenly dawns on me, realization hitting me like a punch to the gut. Every mermaid or mermen is clutching a picture in their hands. The blood slowly drains from my face, every thought vanishing from my mind. Those are just some of the victims from The Lost Soul Pendant. "I'm so sorry," I choke out, shame making my cheeks flush and body heat up.

A mermaid breaks from the crowd to swim up to me. She's around Aunt Bella's age, with pretty black ringlets and azure eyes. "You don't deserve to be a princess," she spits, her eyes oozing hatred. "Just as your mother never deserved to be a queen."

My heart begins to pound as I again look around at all the disapproving faces. I feel as if I'm being smothered by their gazes, every inch of the water vanishing from my lungs. To my horror, the negative thoughts resurface, voiced by... me. I freeze, tears welling in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I sob, my hands shaking. "I'm so sorry."

I feel like I'm choking. Every part of my body wants to hide, to shrink away from their gazes. But I hold my head high, forcing myself to look each of them in the eye. Even as the thoughts swirl around in my head, getting louder and louder until I feel like my head's going to explode. Liar. Traitor. Murderer.

I jerked awake, biting down so hard on a sob my teeth chattered. Gentle, deep breathing reached my ears, and I glanced over at Kai, his chest rising and falling as he slept soundly. His words from yesterday floated through my head, just barely managing to drown out the negative thoughts. You are a kind and gentle princess.

Suddenly, the walls of our suite—even with the open window advertising the beautiful day outside—became confining, the space too small. I fumbled with my cloak, pulling it on with shaking hands as I swam towards the door. I glanced back at Kai, but he didn't even so much as flinch.

I hid my trembling hands in the folds of my cloak, thankful once again for the anonymity it gave me. If people saw me like this, they would ask questions, and the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself. I swam without a destination in mind, wishing I could outswim the thoughts swirling around in my head. Even out in the open water, my chest constricted, making breathing difficult.

A muffled cry escaped my lips as I collapsed on the ground, the depression pulling me deeper and deeper until it consumed me. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted it all to stop. I was so lost in my own grief and pain that it took me a moment to register someone floating beside me. When Mom bent down and wrapped her arms around me, I sank against her, the sobs finally coming to the surface.

We floated there for several moments, her grip never wavering. The sadness finally dissipated into numbness, leaving my limbs heavy and body weary. I looked into her dark-blue eyes filled with worry and concern. "How do you do it?" I asked, my voice hoarse and broken. "The grief and shame... it's eating me up inside."

Mom took a deep breath before responding. Her hands were steady as she signed, the complete opposite of what mine would look like. Some days, it takes everything in me to get out of bed. Even after all this time, I still think to myself how it was possible that I met, fell in love, and eventually married your father. How he could ever love someone like me, someone who'd done such horrible things. But then I remember: you are not your past mistakes. All that matters is your future and the choices you make.

I let her words wash over me, taking a steadying breath. When I finally rose from the ground, Mom gripped my hand. "Dad and Kai... they must be worried about me..." I trailed off.