Blood On The Altar

Chapter 8

I woke up early the next morning, despite my deep sleep the night before. To my horror, I noticed a faint glow coming from my bedside table. Luckily, it was dim and a glance over my shoulder confirmed that it hadn't woken Kai. I quietly swam out of bed and got dressed, leaving a note as I swam outside.

A cloak was pulled over my curls, and I was thankful for the anonymity it gave me. I stuffed the pendant in my bag, clutching the strap with both hands. My wedding ring sparkled in the sunlight on the surface and I couldn't help my smile. It quickly faded, however, as the negative thoughts and feelings returned, turning my mood darker.

They crowded my mind, repeating themselves over and over: Killer. Murderer. You call yourself a princess, but deep down, you know who you truly are. A killer. Just like Tiger Shark. Just like Nerissa. I almost couldn't breathe as the rage spread through my body.

Right when I thought I would explode from the pressure, a few tears leaked down my cheeks. The calm before the storm. I was thankful no one was around as the tears burst from my eyes, cascading down my cheeks until my vision blurred. I cried until I had no more tears left, until my cheeks were wet and my eyes damp.

A scream burst from my throat, followed by a choked gasp. I sped toward Nepptheas, the rushing water mingling with the tears on my cheeks. I knew people had to be staring and whispering, but I paid them no heed. My hands were surprisingly steady as I approached the palace, a familiar smell filling my nostrils. Mermaids and mermen alike were on the seafloor, eyes frozen open.

I got rid of the bodies quickly and efficiently, not even glancing at the faces. I wasn't sure if I even registered when I'd disposed of the last body. The anger dissolved into numbness as I swam home, leaving my heart heavy and body weary. Nadia was at my side before I'd even crossed the threshold, a concerned look in her eyes. "You didn't show up for breakfast this morning, my lady. Your mother was worried."

A paper-thin smile appeared on my face. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep last night so I went for an early-morning swim."

She nodded, gesturing toward the dining room. "I believe lunch is being served, if you're interested." The thought of facing anyone today—never mind just Mom and Dad—made me want to crawl back in bed and never come out.

Low chatter reached my ears as we swam into the dining room. When Kai's worried obsidian eyes locked on mine, I almost confessed right there and then. He raised his eyebrows, a silent conversation passing between us. You okay?

I took a shaky breath as I nodded, my response reflected in my gaze. Fine. Just went for a swim.

From the expression on Kai's face, he knew that wasn't all I'd been doing, but he didn't press me. Mom had a concerned expression on her face, but like Kai, she didn't say anything. She swam to me, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek as she signed. We missed you at breakfast. Early-morning swim?

I nodded. We quickly fell back into the normal routine, laughing and talking over each other. After lunch, Kai and I swam out into the open water, our hands intertwined. "Will you tell me what's really going on?" His gaze hadn't lost that concerned look—if anything, it had grown.

My hands shook as my gaze dropped to the ground. "How can you possibly love me after the things I've done? I play the part of the loving, kind princess, but deep down, that's just a shell. The people I've killed, they haunt my nightmares, are burned into my thoughts. Aunt Naia was right. I'm a killer. Just like Tiger Shark. Just like Mom." I hadn't voiced those thoughts, but it felt like an invisible weight had lifted off my chest as I did.

Kai turned his face toward me, a worried look in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell your parents what you're going through? Surely, they could've helped you." In his gaze, however, I could see his unspoken words, the hurt in them hitting me like a punch to the gut. Why didn't you tell me?

I shook my head, shame heating up my body as the tears returned with a vengeance. "I feel like I'm drowning. All these negative thoughts, they crowd my mind until I feel like I'm suffocating under their weight. It only gets worse with each task." My words broke off in a sob and I covered my face as I sobbed.

Kai gathered me in his arms, stroking my curls as I sobbed. All the pain, shame, and regret came out in a torrent of tears. My hands curled into fists, and before I realized what I was doing, I was beating them on Kai's chest. He just held me, rocked me, saying nothing. When all the anger and sadness had ebbed from my body, leaving emptiness and exhaustion behind, I glanced at him.

"I-I'm sorry," I choked out. He met my gaze, concern replacing the worry that had been there only minutes before.

"It's okay. I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay." His voice was soothing, and I clung to him, my fists clutching his shirt.

I was lightheaded when we finally swam back home, my tear-stained face pale. Kai had his arm around me in a protective embrace, but I still noticed the concerned glances. As we reached the entrance, I noticed the sun slowly dipping into the sea. I hadn't realized how much time had passed.

Mom was waiting for us as we swam inside, her dark-blue eyes hopeful. I was looking for you.

"What's up?" Miraculously, my voice was steady, though my thoughts were swirling around in my head.

Your father and I had been talking, and we thought we'd celebrate Midwinter early. In light of everything that's happened, I'm sure everyone won't mind one more celebration. Her hands were steady as she signed, as was her gaze.

The thought of having so many mermaids and mermen fawn over me when they didn't know the real truth made my heart pound. I managed a weak nod. "Sounds great, Mom." Kai nodded his assent.

Mom suddenly glanced at him, her eyes wide. Your parents are more than welcome to join us. We'd be thrilled to meet them.

He nodded. "I'll speak to them and let you know."

She squeezed my shoulder before swimming away. Kai looked at me, his obsidian eyes locked on my own. "What now?"

I took a breath before answering. "I don't feel up to dinner. Let's just eat in our room."

He nodded, gently kissing me on the cheek. Nadia brought us some fresh shrimp, which we accepted gratefully. We talked as we ate, the conversation flowing easily between us. When I finally swam into bed, I was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

The more I thought about the Midwinter celebration, the more I convinced myself that it was going to be great. Despite everything with Nepptheas, we had so much to celebrate. For the first time in a long time, despite the exhaustion gnawing at me, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

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