The Ducc Story

Chapter One

STORY BY : Greasyvarmint
EDITED BY : @violiniststirlingite

Once upon a time there was a guy named Bryan, and he had a mother who was an advertisement. Bryan had a pet duck who's name was Grephaniel. (Sidenote : His original name was actually Bjornier Michaelson before Bryan came and biffed it and named him Grephaniel.) Grephaniel is actually the star of the story because we all know that Bryan isn't NEARLY as interesting as his pet ducc. Furthermore, Grephie is a crime lord, and what could Bryan possibly have on that? Of course, we must remember that Bryan doesn't know this about Greph. He also doesn't realize that Grephaniel is a firm believer in murder...

So, we now begin our adventure on a sunny, toasty afternoon. Bryan was hanging out with his wife Elise that day when he casually looks out the window and sees Grephaniel DRAGGING A BODY DOWN THE SIDEWALK. Elise saw it too, and they were both SO SHOOK. Elise had always known that there was something strange about Grephaniel, so she had confronted him about it at one point. Somehow or another, she ended up in a whole bank heist with Greph, but we'll get back to that later.

Growing up, Grephaniel had always wanted to be a pharmaceutical salesman. But this lifelong dream was TORN AWAY when his parents were killed by a goose, and his brother by a moose. These shocking events drove him OVER THE EDGE and into the GRIPS OF CRIME. Bryan had never realized that his ducc's backstory was so intense, sad, and deep because, you see, he is a silly human who thinks that duccs are dumb. He no longer thought this as said ducc continued to drag the body. The identity of said body that Greph was dragging is actually the Moose's mother, a normal human man. Greph had gotten revenge for his brother, but he would not get away with it!! Bryan LEAPS off of the couch and runs outside to question his pet ducc, but Elise, aware of Greph's criminal doings, gets in between her husby and her bestie ducc.
She tries to calm her husby down by saying "Bryan! This isn't what it looks like!!!" while grabbing his hands, but Bryan is MUCH too upset to be calmed!! He shoves past her gently, as Greph, secretly known as Marquez to the crime ring, stands there awkwardly as Bryan, VERY UPSETTI SPAGHETTI, screams in Greph's face.
"What is going on?? Is that a real body?? Oh my gorglesnorckle!!!!!"

That so happened to be a VILE CURSE WORD in ducc, and Bjornier also known as Grephaniel also known as Marquez shakes his duccy head in DISAPPOINTMENT and SHOOKNESS.

"Quack quack q u w a ck!!" Greph yells back.

Bryan stares back at him, HIS ANGER GROWING AND HIS BLOOD BOILING. Elise watches is fear, afraid that they might hurt each other. She clutches her kazoo tightly in her hands.

"You know I can't understand you Grephaniel Pippenhouser (which in fact is his full name)!!! Use English!!!!!" Bryan screeches at Grephaniel.

Suddenly, the fight is interrupted when Elise's sister Eden arrives, wearing a banana suit and holding wads of cash and Taco Bell...