The Wheels have Turned

Chapter 19

Perrie POV:

I was left dumbstruck with what my curly haired best friend stated. I know she's wasted, maybe she's doesn't know what she's talking about.

Me? In love with Jade Amelia Thrilwall? My OTHER best friend?! 

I haven't looked at Leigh's direction yet since I was still facing at the people in the dancefloor, not trusting myself to be read by the expressions of my face. I took a long sip of the beer in my hand, trying to think of  an appropriate reply.

Perrie: (forcing a nervous chuckle) Duh! Of course I love Jade. I love you and Jesy too! (giving my best "wtf" look that I could muster, letting her think that she's crazed)

Leigh-Anne: (rolling her eyes while scoffing) Oh please Perrie! Don't give that bullsh*t response of "I lOvE aLL yOu GiRlS eQuaLLy." because I know it's not true. YOU love Jesy & I like siblings, Jade however... You LOOOOOOVE LOVE her! Am I right?!

Perrie: (trying to force a laugh) You're drunk. (once again looking away from her because she really struck a nerve there, she's in wafer thin ice)

Leigh-Anne: Really? That's the best you can reply? You're not even denying it!

I don't know what to say.

Perrie: What do you want me to say then? (getting frustrated)

Leigh-Anne reached in and used her left hand to grab my chin in order for me to see her eye to eye with her brown eyes that reminds me another pair of bambi brown ones , but the latter ones always seem to make my heart flutter. Leigh-Anne took a deep breath and looked at me like she's slightly asking me to answer as truthful as possible.

Leigh-Anne: To FINALLY admit to me AND yourself that you are in love with Jade Amelia Thirlwall. 

I felt like I was on a trance and the world started to spin, both our faces were so close that if anyone were to see us they'll think we were about to kiss. I wanted to deny it so bad, I can feel my brain telling me to say "no" and just leave the bar & avoid Leigh the rest of the night, but my body and heart is telling me otherwise. I can feel my heart exploding and I wanted it to let it off my chest. My band mate and one of my dearest friends is staring at me patiently knowing how much I'm struggling to answer her. But then I finally gave in and replied with a small nod.

Perrie: You're right Leigh-Anne. I do think I AM in love with Jade. My best friend... Who is this amazing person and trusts me so much. And I feel awful about feeling this way.

I put down my drink on the table and stood up abruptly which made me a little woozy but I composed myself and left Leigh-Anne as I rushed to the other end of the rooftop away from the bar where the music is barely heard, no one else was there and it's just an open area surrounded by high glass and railings around it where visitors can overlook and enjoy the city landscape.  

As soon as I arrived on the edge, I held onto the railings and suddenly let out a huge amount of air trapped in my lungs that I've apparently been holding onto. I felt so dizzy that I felt like vomiting and I was sick to my stomach, and I know it's not because of the alcohol but because of the swirling of emotions and realization that have transpired a few minutes ago. I steadied myself and tried to control my breathing once again as I closed my eyes and focused on calming myself as I have been doing everytime I get anxiety attacks especially when performing.

After a few seconds, I finally calmed down and decided to look at the city in front of me and begin to organize my thoughts and emotions. 

I can't believe I just realized that I really AM in love with Jade. For the moment I first saw her in the X-factor auditions; she was this petite, young, bubbly and friendly person who seemed to know a lot of people from this competition. She stuck out among the hundreds of people who were auditioning that day to me and as we bumped into each other & she introduced herself to me, I was immediately drawn to her and that was when I knew she was gonna be a huge impact in my life then and there and I was right.