99 Kisses Till Death

Denial

I was surrounded by white.

I felt a headache coming on but really, it was either I stare around me or look at the only other people there.

And I just didn't want to deal with them at the moment.

I had no sense of time but figured it had barely been an hour since I'd died.

And I wanted to go back.

I miss Carrie.

I miss my family.

I miss... Brian.

My heart- or what was left of it- hammered in my chest and for a moment I couldn't breath.

Brian.

Captain of the football team.

School heartthrob.

My boyfriend.

My first boyfriend, who would have been my first kiss...hell, I was sure I had been subconsciously already picking out names for our first child.

I closed my eyes and shuddered.

Brian...

I saw his warm brown eyes...his neat hair that I always messed up just to irk him...his warm friendly face...his lips (that I had never been properly introduced to)...

I wrapped my arms around me, trying to stave off the chill that was suddenly attacking my skin, winning over large territory and hi-fiving as I got goosebumps.

It was stupid really.

Brian and I had been together almost two years and we had been the most unlikely couple ever.

I mean, in all honesty, it would have made sense if he'd dated Carrie instead. She was a cheerleader after all. Head cheerleader as luck would have it.

And they were both perfect.

But Brian and me had hit it off the first time we'd met, at a party Carrie had thrown at her house.

He was smart and funny and while he didn't get all the jokes I made, he would call me weird, I'd call him lame and we'd become quick friends.

I was anti-jock at the time but he'd somehow proved that the musculine ball throwers weren't as retarded as I'd originally assumed they were due to many hits, tackles and obvious blows to their heads.

I kept Brian grounded. He kept me sane.

I smiled when I recalled the time we'd argued over PDA (public displays of affection) and he had said they were necessary in a relationship and proceeded to try to kiss me. I'd punched him hard in the gut and as he doubled over, I realised I was falling for the guy.

He really knew how to take a punch...and not cry.

Carrie had humoured me at the start, seemingly sure we wouldn't last but after a while, she'd grown used to him always hanging out with us and our friends at our lunch table or whenever we went to the movies or something...

It had been funny to watch. Carrie and Brian had hated each other at first which was strange as I was under the impression that cheerleaders and jocks were automatically buddies by some unwritten sport-cheer laws.

They made peace when I had the flu aftter Brian and me had been going out for only a few months and they'd had to take care of me and simultaneously not argue, fight or make impressive attempts at murdering each other.

The full effect of my being dead was finally catching up with me.

I had no life. In every sense of the word.