Lost In Love | ✔️

27

~Clementine's POV~

I laid in bed with Ryder the next day, a random movie playing on the TV as I laid with my head atop his strong chest, cuddled into his side. His right arm was slung around my shoulder, holding me firmly against him. It seemed he was actually paying attention to the movie, whereas I couldn't seem to bring myself to focus on it whatsoever, too lost in my own thoughts.

"What are you thinking about that has got you so distracted?" Ryder asked with an amused tone, seeming to notice my lack of attention on the movie. I glanced up at him, propping my chin up on his chest to see his face better. "I was just thinking...I feel like I don't know very much about you, I guess." I told him softly, a slight furrow in my brows. A frown formed on his lips almost immediately at my words, perhaps because he could tell how it bothered me. "What do you want to know? Ask me anything, and I'll tell you. There's nothing I wouldn't tell you, if you asked me." He murmured, tightening his arm around me.

My heart fluttered in my chest. "I don't even know your birthday, for starters." I pointed out, the truth seeming to hit the both of us at the same moment, leaving us in a brief silence. "March twelfth." He told me. "And I don't know yours, either." He stated, peering down at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell him. "Mine's November third." I responded, my voice quiet.

He and I continued on firing off questions at one another, exchanging answers back and forth. From talking about our jobs to our childhoods, I felt like I was finally beginning to get to know him more, and that scared me in a certain way. If I felt as strongly for him as I did now without knowing very much about him, how much stronger could these feelings grow now? How deeply could I possibly fall for him? My head and my heart both began to pound at the thought, making my fingers tremble slightly.

The next question I asked was not one that I had intended to. No, it was one that just came spilling out of my mouth before I could even stop myself. "Have you ever been in love before?" I asked, gazing up at him. It was immediate when I realized what I had just asked, but it was too late now to do anything. The question had been asked, and it would probably only make it worse if I just tried to backtrack on the question. I decided to just leave it, letting the question hang in the air as we both lapsed into a silence, stunned by my sudden question. We stared intently at one another, his brows raised and my face burning with embarrassment. I'd never felt more idiotic in my entire life.

"Clementine..." He said my name with a slightly surprised tone, clearly taken aback. I had not yet asked a question that was so brazen, and neither had he. The worry of whether or not I had crossed a line flitted through my mind, making me worry.

"Y-You don't have to answer that, if you don't want to. I mean, I was just curious." I stammered, glancing down at his chest so I didn't have to look him in the face. However, he lifted his free hand and gently tilted my head back up again to make me look at him, a small smile growing upon his lips when our eyes met once more. "You don't need to be shy." He murmured, tracing his thumb along my bottom lip. "I said I would tell you anything you want to know. You just kind of surprised me there, asking that suddenly." He chuckled with a shake of his head.

"But no," He said after a moment, trailing his hand down my arm until I felt his fingers brush against my hand, where I then intertwined our fingers. "I've never been in love before." He told me, causing my heart to pound. For some reason, I couldn't help but to feel hurt, and disappointed. It was probably unfair of me to feel that way, since I had been the one to ask the question in the first place, but I couldn't help it. My feelings for him were too strong and I feared that his were not real, or maybe not even there at all. "Not at all? Nobody?" I whispered, furrowing my brows in disbelief, and perhaps a little hope as well.

Ryder paused, glancing up to the ceiling as he took a second to try to think it over. Eventually, his gaze fell back on my face again, scanning his eyes over me with a look that made my heart pound but not with fear. "What is it?" I wondered, furrowing my brows. 

He merely shook his head, looking back into my eyes once again. "I've never been in love. No, not even once. Not even a little." He muttered. I felt my heart ache at his words, my eyes pricking slightly with tears. I had to turn away from him, my back facing him so that he wouldn't see me trying not to cry. Yet he just moved closer again, the warmth of his chest pressing against my back only making me squeeze my eyes shut tight. "You're such an emotional little thing, Clementine." He mused in my ear, warm breath fanning my skin. I only buried my face into the pillows, not even bothering to try to form a response. "And always so quick to jump to conclusions. At least I know that will perhaps never change." He muttered. I felt his arm slink its way around my waist, holding me against him so I couldn't move away anymore. "You should really let me finish speaking before you go hurting your own feelings like this."

I lifted my head and glared at him over my shoulder, sniffling. He just chuckled and shook his head. "It's true that I've never been in love before. Love and relationships were never my thing. I liked being on my own, or at least I thought that I did." He began, speaking gently. Maybe his soft tone was meant to make me feel better or make me listen, I wasn't sure which, but it was working either way.

"What do you mean?" I asked softly, hesitating only slightly before I turned around in his arms to look up at him a little easier. His gaze was so intense upon my own that I felt like my entire soul was laid bare for him to see. "Now when I think about being on my own again, or about you being someone else's, I realize that I don't like it as much as I thought I did. I only liked being on my own because I was used to it."

"And even though I haven't been in love, I think that, if you keep looking at me this way and being around me, it might be closer than I thought."