∂ıятy мαятıηı

↬chapter 5

I took a deep breath and just said:
"I'm going through a bad time"
"Is it due the heist?" Tammy asked but Debbie cut her off.
"It's Nathan" a trail of shivers ran though my whole body as I heard his name.
I looked down at my hands, crossed with Lou's, and I nodded trying not to cry.
"It's about the test?" Lou asked.
"What test?" Tammy asked confused.
A single tear rolled down my cheek and fell on her hand.
As she realized she pulled me in a tight hug.
Debbie and Tammy kept on asking questions.
"Let it go" she whispered at my ear as her arms wrapped my body.
I started crying loudly and felt my knees weak, I could have fallen but she didn't let me.
When I was able to calm myself down, Lou looked at my eyes and brushed a piece of my h/c hair behind me ear.
"Everything's fine, it's all gone.
Now, sit on that couch and tell us everything you feel the urge to, ok?" I nodded and sat back on the couch while holding Lou's hand.
"What test are you talking about? A pregnancy test? Are you pregnant?" Tammy asked worried.
"I-I don't know it yet" I whispered with broken voice.
"It's not that big deal, we'll carry you to a clinic and-"
"Debbie, she was fucking raped" Lou cut her off almost shouting it.
Debbie looked petrified and Tammy started crying hugging me tight.
"Debbie, I need to talk to you" Lou said curling her fingers, motioning Debbie to follow her, and walking far from us.
Debbie stood up and walked behind her.
"Fuck, she's your daughter how could you-"
"Lower your voice" I just heard Debbie saying with shaking voice.
Tammy looked straight at my eyes.
Her gaze was so quite, comforting.
"Do you have the test here?
- she asked and I nodded -
Wanna do it now?"
I nodded, she caught my hand and walked me to the bathroom.
"Where is it?"
"Lou's bedroom" I answered sitting on the chair in the middle of the room.
"Fine, I'll be there in a minute"
As Tammy stepped out of the bathroom I stood up and opened the locker on the sink.
I took a blade and stared at it.
I really wanted to do it.
As I realized what I was about to do I threw it in the wc.
My hands were shaking, my head was exploding and tears kept on drooling.
"Hun, here you are
- Tammy said handing me the test -
I'll be right outside there" I nodded and closed the door.
I kept on staring at that object, I was so scared.

I came out the bathroom and handed Tammy the test.
"You want me to watch it first?" I nodded.
She turned it with shaky hands and smiled as she saw it.
She hugged me tight and kissed my cheek.
"You can leave it all behind, you're not pregnant" she whispered making me cry happy tears.

We came back downstairs, Lou and Debbie were still arguing so we sat on the couch.
"Wanna eat something?"
I shook my head.
I wasn't drunk anymore, rather tipsy.
I stood up.
"I'm going out to smoke a cig" as we heard Debbie and Lou shouting harder, Tammy said:
"I'm coming with you" rolling her eyes.
I laid against the wall and, ignoring the freezing weather, I lit a cigarette.
Tammy was staring at me yet I couldn't tell why so I faced her the pack of cig.
"Want one?"
"No, I was thinking 
- she stopped herself from saying something and rolled her eyes -
you know what? Fuck it" she said chuckling and taking one cig.
I had already put the lighter back in my pocket so I neared her and lit her cig with the burning top of mine.
"You look sexier smoking" I chuckled thinking about the fact that I'd never seen her smoking before.
She laughed.
"You know , when I was younger I thought smoking was cool.
There was a time in my life when
- she chuckled while thinking at those memories -
when I dyed black hair, used to wear studded bracelets, I smoked a lot of cigarettes and pretended to have a different accent and other hilarious stuffs like that"
"You have to show me some pictures sooner or later" I said trying to picturing her in those shoes.
She nodded and blew a drag of smoke on my face making us both chuckle.
"Thank you Tammy, for everything"
"Of cause, cutie" she said walking towards me and hugging me softly.
I sank in her arms feeling my heart lighter, I wasn't pregnant and I wasn't alone.
"Do you want to report him?" she asked out of the blue, resting her chin on my head.
"No, I don't want this to be public"
"We'll make him regret everything he did" she said clenching her jaw.
"No,I'll do it myself, I'll be his karma" I said smiling a little and throwing the stub away.
"I already knew you would have said something like that" she giggled.
She threw the cig on the floor and stepped on it then she motioned me to come in.
As I entered, I noticed Lou sitting on the couch beside Debbie which was hiding her face in her hands.
"Negative" Tammy said referring to the pregnancy test.
I opened the fridge and caught four beer.
I sat beside Debbie and Tammy sat beside Lou, who was gloomy staring at me.
I heard light sobs coming from the woman beside me.
Her face was completely covered by her hands and her elbows were resting on her knees.
I neared her and started to rub her back while whispering 'shh'.
After a while her sobbing stopped and her red eyes met mine.
Her make up was gone and tears were allover her cheeks.
"W-Was I there?"
I didn't know whether it was best to tell her the truth or not.
I didn't want her to feel guilty for that but lying wouldn't have helped.
I looked at her for a while then slightly nodded with a soft smile on my face.
She started sobbing again.
"Fuck! It's happened again.
You needed me and I didn't do anything" she said sobbing harder.
It hurt to see her struggling like this but deeper I felt happy; happy about the fact that she did care about me.
"You couldn't do anything" I said hugging her.
She clung on me tighter and tried to stop her sobbing.
We stayed like this for minutes, then her chin rested on my head and she sighed.
Her grip on me lighted and then she stared in my eyes.