Athena

17. My Mom's Not Dead

Hazy morning sunshine filters through my room. The light isn't blinding or bright, but it pulls me from my warm, sleepy cocoon-like state. My eyelids flutter open as I glance over, instinctively, checking to see if there's anyone beside me.

Cruz is nowhere in sight.

Disappointment sets in. I feel bummed to be... alone. Stupid of me, I know.

I sigh and let my gaze drift aimlessly around the room. The heaviness of sleep lifts away little by little. My mind clears slightly. When I spy my phone on the end table, however, my chest seizes up, and a punch of anxiety hits me hard.

I'm very awake, all of a sudden, and I recall Brody's threats all over again.

Damn it.

This shit isn't going to sort itself out.

I plant my face into my pillow, head-in-sand style like an ostrich, as though this alone can block out my reality. 

My mind spins away.

What to do?

What to do?

Thoughts begin to sway in one direction over the other. I twist my hair between my fingers, my heart rate speeds up, but, unlike last night, I don't think this new set of nerves has anything to do with confusion or helplessness.

No, I feel antsy because I'm about to make a big decision.

In the light of day, my mood feels less muddled. I know what I want, I know what I don't want, and, honestly, I want this nightmare to blow over, and I don't want to press charges at all. I also know, in an ideal world, my way of thinking is wrong. I'm supposed to stand up for myself, to fight for justice, to punish Chrissa and Brody and let the whole world judge them for what they did to me—

Unfortunately, that's not how the real world works, and I don't have the time or energy or money for this kind of fight.

Graduation is a few months away. Once I'm eighteen, I'll be in New Jersey with Persie, and none of this will matter. At this point, the only legal battle I'm interested in going balls-to-the-wall for the fight to become my sister's guardian. This is why I'm reluctant to get tangled up in some court case that might force me to stay in Arizona for months, maybe even years, on end.

My mind sets.

I just have to accept my fate and wade through some shitty, shitty shit for a while. Then, I'll be with Persie, and Chrissa and Brody will become blips in my life that I can forget about.

I'm not scared of them, you know?

I'm pretty sure that I have thick enough skin to withstand whatever Chrissa and Brody throw my way. Everyone at school already thinks I'm a slut. I don't have much to lose.

Brody says they have photos and videos?

Fine!

Bring it!

If they want to come at me, then I'll tell Luke Austin all about their dirty little secret.

I'm ready!

We can all go down in flames together!

At this moment, my ego soars. Bravado sings through my veins. I feel good about my decision.

Or do I?

My badass bitch mode lasts all but two seconds. Within the same minute, my confidence wavers. A jarring thought pops up. I suddenly remember that someone else's ass is also on the line.

Cruz.

I don't want Brody and Chrissa to go after him. I don't want him to get dragged through the mud with me. Suddenly, I'm back to square one. I don't know what to do.