How High Can You Get?

Level Five: Shroom Tomb

St. Mary's Church - Lubeck, Germany.

125 Meters.

To say things only got stranger after the final seven walked into that elevator was an understatement of a lifetime. It all became so surreal and insane at that point that Jumpman would not have been surprised if the elevator shot up out of the roof of the building and circled around the city before heading out into space. DK would have loved that, Jumpman thought. Probably would have shouted "Yippee!"

The elevator stopped. But not at the top. The final seven players had to take a spiral staircase to the top floor which, itself, was a small room where a massive beacon sent light in every direction out onto the city. They had reached heaven – theoretically – in accordance with this building's architectural design. So, Jumpman figured the kid with the daddy issues wasn't too far off after all.

The were soon joined by Lady, now dressed in a flowing white robe and Roman sandals. Jumpman wondered if this woman could ever stop being so damned amazing. She directed the finalists to follow her to the rooftop where seven also equally beautiful women all sat on thrones of gold. Behind them the full moon hung high above.

"Contestants," Lady spoke, "these women are the bosses of this game. These are the Pleiades."

DK tipped his head with a two-finger salute while Jumpman and the others stood in silent awe. One of the Pleiades, of course, was the Italian model from New York City. She gave Jumpman a coy smirk after he had finally recognized her.

"Welcome," Ms. Alcyone said. "And congratulations. You are the final seven who have unlocked the secrets of the stars. My sisters and I are most impressed with you all. Now that you have reached the gods it is time to only go higher than you've ever dreamt possible. Your next trip will introduce you to those who have ventured even higher than you. They have reached the other side. And you may now taste their secrets."

"Taste?" one of the finalists asked.

"Madam! Please subdue that wretch!" one of the Pleiades shouted to Lady. Jumpman recognized her, too. She was the beautiful woman from the nitrous oxide bedroom in the Netherlands. He wasn't sure at first because her bare ass wasn't directly in front of his face. But he definitely recognized her voice.

Lady nodded to her and walked over to the player who spoke. He was terrified; sweating and wet. And, with no warning at all, Lady kicked him full force in his testicles. The other players watched empathetically as he crumpled down to the ground and whimpered.

"Now there are six of you," the nitrous goddess spoke. "This infidel will not be joining the rest of you on this quest."

A door opened and two people dressed in a full body Chinese dragon costume came out, wiggling the costume's tail and breathing smoke from its papier mache nostrils. The dragon character kept butting the infidel player obnoxiously until he stopped protesting and got the hint to exit the rooftop, crawling, of course.

"Remember," a new Pleiad cautioned. Jumpman remembered her, as well. She was the DJ from the Hotel Unique: DJ Xaja. And he recognized a fourth, also. DJ Goddess Gotham from the New York City ecstasy party.

"Only three of you will be able to move on after the next level has been completed and into the final level," Xaja continued. "Good luck to you all."

And with that, the Pleiades rose from their thrones and appeared to drift away into the night sky. That wasn't the reality of it, though. The reality was that the men in the dragon costume snuck up behind them and wrapped rags of chloroform around their noses and mouths. As far as Jumpman knew, the Pleiades levitated up into the constellations above before his very eyes. But by the time he woke up, he'd be in a centuries-old German church hunting mushrooms.