Always You

Chapter 11: Confused

Yelena's hands moved from their face to their neck just before she wrapped her arms around them, pulling them as close as she could.

A minute had passed of them exploring each other's lips and what lied behind them. As they slowed, Y/N pulled just a few inches away to see her face. Her eyes were still closed as she took in what had happened.

While her eyes were still closed, they brought their hand from her side up to her face, running their thumb over her cheek and admiring her flawless skin. Finally, she opened her eyes and saw how they were looking at her.

The butterflies she'd had the past few days were minuscule compared to what was flying around in her stomach now. No one had ever looked at her the way they were looking at her now. She could feel how they were just taking her in.

As they looked up and met her eyes again, they moved their hand down to the small of her back and pulled her closer again. Their noses grazed over each other, causing Yelena to laugh quietly between them.

"You are incredibly beautiful, Yelena," They said as they moved forward to try and kiss her again.

This time though, she pulled back, leaving them confused. They wondered if that statement had made her uncomfortable. But why would it? They thought.

She smiled, knowing that she just wanted to fuck with them for a second. After seeing their face, she leaned back in and kissed them, gently pushing them to their back as she laid half on them.

Propping herself up on her elbow, she looked down at them while they leaned their head back to make sure Nat was still asleep. She followed their eyes to make sure as well. 

Luckily, Nat slept like a rock.

Y/N looked up at her, wishing she would say something. Anything. Though they had felt that something was there between them the past few days, she was still difficult to read.

Sadly, Yelena said nothing. She just laid down on Y/N with her head tucked snug in their neck and her arm across their torso.

They didn't want to push her, so they just planted a kiss on the top of her head and hugged her close with the arm that was wrapped around her.

All that was running through Yelena's mind now was happiness. She wasn't thinking of Nat, or the Widows, or the Red Room. All she could think about was how much she wanted to keep kissing them, but knew that she was close to falling asleep.

******

Before they knew it, morning had come and the two were still cuddled up close to each other while Nat was knocked out cold. Y/N stirred slightly, waking Yelena up in the process.

As she awoke, she looked up to see that she was wrapped around Y/N who also had themselves wrapped back around her. She felt safe but quickly started overthinking. 

Her sister was laid just behind them and had no idea what had happened just the night before. All she could think about was the possibility of Nat being pissed at her.

But she makes jokes... She thought to herself, she couldn't be that mad if she makes jokes about it so much.

Her breath started picking up alongside her heart rate and that's when she knew that she needed to get up. With Y/N and Nat both being incredibly heavy sleepers, she was able to get up easily without waking either of them.

As she stood from the bed, she looked at the clock that was on the wall just above the tv. It was rather early being just past six o'clock.

Perfect time to make coffee, she thought.

She made her way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee for herself while she thought back on the night before. It felt like a dream to her, one that she wishes she could relive over and over again. As she thought about it, she wondered what it would've been like had Nat not been there.

What would have transpired if they were alone? Would she have been so anxious? Would it have been even better?

Yelena was so deep in thought that she didn't hear Y/N wake and make their way to the kitchen. As they rounded the corner, her breath stopped seeing them. Here they both were, in the daylight staring directly at each other knowing what they'd done the night before.

Y/N smiled at her, happy to see her awake as well. That smile quickly faded though as they watched her turn away after offering a small, and seemingly fake, smile. 

She regrets it... They thought, fuck.

They took a deep breath before walking over to meet her by her side. Though she loved every second of their moment together last night, seeing them this morning made her anxious thoughts even worse. Even more came rushing through.

What if they expect more of me? What if I can't be what they want? She thought.

The irrational thoughts that were rushing through made her cold. All she felt coursing through her veins was anxiety. 

As they stood beside her, they moved their hand to rest on the small of her back just as they had the night before. Sadly, as soon as their fingertips made contact, Yelena moved away.

"Are you okay?" They asked, unable to just let this go, "I'm sorry if I overstepped last night."

She stood at the sink, back toward them, "I'm fine."

The short answer stung. Y/N choked down the sadness that was growing in their chest. They didn't know if prying further would be helpful or make things worse, but they felt that they had to try a bit more.

They made their way toward her again, "Are you sure? What're you thinking?"

Again, she turned away. One thing Yelena was good at was avoiding conversations and that was exactly what she planned to do here.

"We should get Nat up and get ready to head out. We have a long day ahead of us," She replied before placing her cup in the sink and heading out of the kitchen toward the stairs.

Stunned, all Y/N could do was watch as she walked away. They knew when they woke up that there was a possibility that she would regret what she had done, but they had no idea it would be to this extent.

She made her way up the steps and into her room, closing the door behind her before making her way to lay face down on her bed. Tears began forming in her eyes, which were quickly dried by the bed covers that her face was shoved into.

Talking about feelings wasn't something she did. Everything she was feeling was new and she didn't understand any of it. How was she also supposed to talk about it?

I ruin everything... She thought as more tears began to grow while she rolled over to her back.

Why do I fuck everything up... Y/N thought as they leaned back against the kitchen counter.

The two were so deep inside their own minds that they couldn't bring themselves to talk about what they were feeling for each other. Y/N wanted to tell her that it was okay, that everything would be fine while Yelena wanted to tell them about how she wanted them more than she wanted to breathe.

Unfortunately, they left each other alone to sit in the confusion of their own minds.