The result of this made me think he had decided to untie me and leave, but he did not. Instead he started undoing my shirt, then my trousers.
I’m not going to go into detail with what happened next, but I’m sure you can guess.
Only after the event did I realise that he had just raped me… This was one of my lowest points; once he had untied me I curled up into a ball and I couldn’t stop shaking. I was confused of what was happening to me, I felt really weird. I think people call it fear, but it felt worse than that. Then again words do not betray all the feelings. He tried to hug me, in an attempt to comfort me, but my body jerked away from him. He put his hands up then placed a finger over his lips, “Don’t worry brother, you little secret is safe with me, as long as you don’t speak of what just happened.” He whispered, then he stroked my head. My body seemed to shrivel up at his touch. Then he left.
I sat there in a ball for hours; the phone had rung four times, but I wasn’t willing to move. I felt my stomach growl at me, I should have fed it… but I didn’t want to get up.
The day went past; early in the morning the next day, I heard knocking at my front door. But I was too scared to go and open it. The knocking got louder and more frantic. It turned out that my brother hadn’t locked the door, so who ever wanted to speak with me, just waltzed in.
When the front door clicked open I sprung of my bed and got changed quickly, then made my way down stairs, to find Katie looking around my house. I assumed she was looking for me, because when she saw me she jumped and ran at me. She grabbed onto me and hugged me tightly. “What is it?” I asked weakly. She pulled herself away from me, “I tried calling you but you never picked up, then when I came here I knocked on the door and you didn’t answer again… Then I realised that the door was open! So I got worried and came in.” She explained then she looked down, I think she was sad, “W-why do you look sad?” I muttered. She looked back up at me and tilted her head, “Well I shouldn’t have just walked into your house… I just got paranoid…” She murmured. I shrugged, “I don’t care whether you enter my house invited or uninvited.” I sighed and went to sit down in the living room. My stomach growled at me again, but this time Katie heard, so she said she would make me something. I sat on the sofa and just stared at nothing, I was so confused… I-I felt strange… so strange, I felt less empty, there was something there… M-my soul had darkened…
Katie walked in with some food and placed it on my lap. I picked and nibbled at it, but I didn’t feel like eating. She sat next to me and mumble, “I-I think I figured it out… t-the killings… you know ‘The Killer Artist’, well… I’ve been following those cases for a long time,” she paused and glanced at me, I showed no emotion. “And well those cases where really interesting… And I’m sorry for snooping… but I-I found things… and those files… well I connected the dots…” She shuffled closer, which was unexpected, and wrapped her arm around me. “I understand.” She whispered. I felt my eyes set on fire, “How would you understand..?” I hissed. She placed her head on my shoulder and murmured, “I understand, they’re not murders… they’re just assisted suicides, if you confess now you might get a short sentence.” My body stiffened as she tried to pull me in for a hug. I pushed her off me, resulting in the plate if food falling on the floor. She seemed to look scared and shocked at the same time. “I’m not going to confess, and you sure as hell don’t understand!” I snarled. She didn’t attempt to hug me again, instead she tried to reason with me, “Kaleb, please. I know how you feel… I know you’re just doing this to help them…” My body was shaking, “You don’t know how it feels to not understand anyone; the way they feel and what that maybe implying with their words! I don’t understand! Nothing makes sense! I do what I do because I want to understand how people feel…” I curled up and mumbled, “I-I don’t understand…”
She sat there for a while just staring at me, she then carefully got closer to me and hugged me. My body couldn’t stop shaking. My eyes felt damp and I kept sniffling, Katie held me as I tried to gain control of what was happening
We sat like that for a long while, I was too out of it to even consider moving. “P-please don’t s-say anything…” I mumbled. She squeezed me a little tighter, “I won’t say a word,” she whispered back.
The next day, I awoke, in my bedroom, screaming. Katie had run up the stairs to check what was wrong. When she ran in I saw my brother take her place for a split second. But it was just my imagination. Katie sat next to me and held me again, “You’re sweating…” She was right, for some reason I was sweating all over my body, also I was shaking like hell. Katie got up and pulled my blanket of, “You need to take a bath maybe that will help you relax a bit more.” She helped me up and guided me to my bathroom. “I’ll clean your bed up.” I was a bit confused at this comment at first but then I realised I had wet myself. I felt another feeling, I-I think it was embarrassment.
I peeled of my sweat soaked clothes and turned on the bath water. I put the plug in and waited for the water to rise. I brushed my hand over the water, feeling the heat. I slipped into the water and felt a sort of relief as the water covered my body in warmth.
It was so warm… I felt safe. I closed my eyes as I tried to stop thinking about ‘that’ stuff and focus on the warmth.
I heard a little knock at the bathroom door, then Katie’s voice called out, “How are you doing?” I sighed quietly, “I… I feel amazing…” I kept my eyes closed, my mouth even curved up into a slight smile. She replied, “Well that’s a relief, I’ve put your sheets in the wash but I can’t find some more blankets to replace them.” I sat up slowly and opened the door, she turned away from me, “They one in the airing cupboard in here,” I pointed at the large cupboard in the wall by the bath. She nodded and quickly ran towards it, keeping her eyes fixed on her destination. I watched her filter through the blankets and covers. She picked on and some sheets then ran out apologizing. I slid back down so that the water covered my body again.
