Senora's headache was raging still, and christopher's spanish song called "make a verb plural put an n on it" was not helpful at all. but it did remind her that they needed to buy a ring because senora had given up on not eating the french fry about 3 minutes into the engagement. When they arrived to christopher's parents house, she couldn't believe her eyes. His dad, who refused to go by anything besides senor wooly or victor (he even made christopher call him that) had 3 mujeres at his side and was sitting at a throne, smoking a cigar singing soy guapo with a raspy voice. The mujeres were walking around him dancing and swooning over him feeding him brownie bites and taco bell. He somehow had managed to sing in the same vocal clarity while eating and smoking and singing. He refused to say hi to her but whispered in christopher's mom's ear that she was "un poco ridicula, y que christopher era demasiado guapo por ella" even though he thought that christopher was a shame. christopher's mom was quite beautiful, she was wearing a lacy pink dress that had to have cost AT LEAST 12 dollars and her hair was long and blonde, and she was thin yet curvy and every once in a while she would join senor wooly/victor in soy guapo and he didn't even get angry that his spotlight was being stolen. But what was REALLY a surprise was her wedding ring. It had a big fat diamond in the center and engraved on the metal were the words "Victor es tan guapo" and victors ring said that too. In fact if you looked around their house those words were EVERYWHERE one of the mujeres started writing that on the tacos with sharpie, and even the sharpies had those words written on them. To senora, it was a bit too much but she didn't care there was loads of taco bell and she was hungry. They all sat down and victor/ senor wooly began to pray.
"Dear jesus, thank you that yo soy muy muy guapo and please don't become insecure that I am more guapo than you are-"
"Crunch crunch"
"I am more guapo than anything you've ever made, and thank you for giving me la cosa mediocre that is my wife-"
"Crunch crunch"
" and por favor make her more bonita so that it will be fair to me that we are equally beautiful."
"Crunch crunch"
" Amen"
Senora had already started eating her taco including the sharpie marks, and before anyone else was able to finish just one taco, senora had pretty much eaten all of the tacos and burritos and salsa packages. This was just a normal saturday for senora, but usually she didn't write on her tacos before eating them. She had consumed almost an entire sharpie's worth of tacos and the ink was starting to take effect.
"I'm not feeling too well"
Senora said pain lacing her voice. Christopher inspected her and then slammed his taco on to his plate and pulled out three sticks of gum. He chewed it into a soft, and VERY audible ball and began to speak
"I don't want to be tempted *smack smack* to eat anymore of this *smack smack* taco. It's too *smack smack* likely *smack smack* that i will *smack smack* get sick from *smack smack* whatever senor- *smack smack* a got. *Smack smack smack smack smack smack smack sma-*"
Senora was getting a feeling of complete overwhelment, between her piercing stomach pain, her throbbing headache, and the ringing in her ears caused by soy *smack smack* guapo was all too much. Senora slammed her fist on the table and then passed out.
YOU ARE READING
The Pathetic Romance of a Mean Cough
RomantikA story about the whirlwind romance between a man named Mr. Mean Cough and a woman named Senora. Loosely based on a true story. For any confusion, Joey and Dr. Drake Ramoré are NOT, I repeat, NOT the same person.
