The Pathetic Romance of a Mean Cough

Chapter 4: The First Kiss and The Second Breakup

It had been a week since that glorious occasion at McDonald's and the videos that the patrons had made got over 400 views!  Senora knew it would be tough to be a celeb couple, but she figured that their love would be strong enough to make it through. She knew that in order to have an amazing wedding with Christopher, she would need the dress of her dreams. Keeping that in mind, she also wanted the dress to be heavily discounted and she also wanted to make Christopher happy. These days Christopher had been a bit secretive like he was hiding something and it was driving her absolutely insane. So when Senora and Christopher were watching the teletubbies in spanish which he claimed was 10 times better than the real version, she nudged over to him and said as casually as she could
"Hey are you hiding something?"
Christopher collapsed from his seat and began to do push ups, he managed to do 9 pushups before senora tackled him demanding to know what he wanted.
"Fine, find my parents want to meet you...and they think you are...well they think that you are successful..."
She found this helped a lot with her anger. Senora sighed and then said that she was okay with that but they might never get to meet her parents because they were a celebrity couple who kept their whole pregnancy a secret because they were ashamed of the way that the ultrasound looked and knew the baby would not be any better. Christopher liked to stay current with things so curiosity got the best of him
"Who are they mi floor pegosa?"
Senora loved it when he called her that
"Well my dad is Joey Tribbiani..."
Senora said knowing that she had just deflated a balloon full of poisonous gas into a small room and was letting it just flow out of there. Christophers eyes were bulging out of his stomach. Little did senora know this but christopher had a bit of a man crush on joey tribbiani. He began to panic the way he normally did. He erratically began dancing taking quick breaths. "Soy guapo soy muy muy guapo." he said panting, for he knew that if he told himself that he was soy guapo enough eventually he would get the nerve to tell that to the 6th grade bullies who claimed he wasn't guapo. Little did senora know, going to his parents house would change everything.
Meeting the parents
"So Christopher," she giggled delicately, fluttering her eyelashes, "we are going to need a car to drive to your parents." She imagined him riding a sports car, unwinding the window and would fight over the view of his car, all mine! And the crowd of beach babes would go violent, and she'd feed those sharks by throwing Christopher into the crowd, and she'd jump into the car and drive off into the sunset...proclaiming spanish poetry to all on-lookers. He's mine, she would yell when other females  He cleared his throat. "It's sporty, with a red stripe in the middle, and it's outside if you would like to see it now." Gleefully, she tumbled out of the house and almost tripped on the doorstep. In dismay, she looked at a crashed, dented van with a thin red sharpie line down the middle (including the window) of the car. "Hop on in! Can you give me the directions to our parents house...blah blah blah...should we get gas....blah blah blah... Senora climbed in, sceptical until she saw a spilled bag of cheetos and various stains on the seats. Even better than a sports car, there was snacks in the back! She hopped in the back, snuggled up with the torn, stained moldy seats and daintily nibbled on the Cheetos. Christopher cleared his throat. "I was kind of hoping that you could drive...".  She sat up suddenly. "No way!! I wanted to take a nap back here!! I know you have to make sacrifices in relationships, but this has gone too far too quickly!!! Take anything, my money, my honor, my virginity, but not my precious nap time!!!" Christopher looked genuinely distressed. "Mi amor, lo siento! If I had known you felt so passionate about naps I would have never asked you to give them up!!" "Its fine," Senora sighed. "I'm just nervous about you driving this car! It looks so unsafe!" "No race car is ever safe," Christopher winked, and once he turned around Senora rolled her eyes. "Some race car" she muttered. The drive continued in silence (if you could call the clattering of the broken engine silence) and there was too much traffic for Christopher to break the speed limit. Senora imagined their wedding, a Spanish fiesta with Mexican food and piñatas. Instead of having a band playing wedding music, she'd have little children swinging maracas and singing festively! She imagined Christopher as the bride, wearing a white gown with little pearls. She imagined him in a suit, then a bikini. Absolutely bored out of her mind, she imagined him begging for mercy as she ran him over with this STUPID RACE CAR! UGH!!!!!! She yelled over to Christopher, " Do you have good music we can listen to?" "Yeah," he hollered, "do you like Spanish music?" She pictured romantic Spanish love tunes about kissing and eternal devotion. She pictured them kissing at a stop light, after confessing their love. "Yes, I do," she murmured. "Cool" he yelled back. He cranked the windows open, twisted the volume knob and slipped on some sick shades. "SOYYYYY GUAPO, SOY MUY MUY GUAPO" he nodded his head to the beat. Braying like a sick donkey, he started to sing along. "My ears," Senora moaned. And in that moment, she fell a little out of love. She had never been in a car ride that seemed so long, and she didn't know if she could make it. A few times she almost threw up, and her head hurt so much. She had never been in so much pain! Every cell in her body screamed "make it stop", and every ounce of strength was used to tolerate the terrible song. Finally, FINALLY, Christopher turned down the music just a little bit.  "We'll be there in one minute!" Senora was to weak to reply. Little did she know it was about to get worse...the car engine sputtered and...the car stopped. Christopher cursed in spanish, and jumped out the side of the car. After thirty seconds, he declared it unfixable and he turned back on the music and sat down again. "Is this why he is still single? Could I really marry a man who has such a terrible choice in music? Is there even any options left when you're my age? Should I just marry him and later take away his music privileges? Would that be easier than finding a new man?" She considered making out with him and distracting herself from the music. But after one kiss, her head still hurt. "I'm done, I don't think I can do this" she weakly mumbled as she threw open the car door with her remaining strength and fell face first onto the side of the road. She kissed the ground with tears of joy, but as she sat up again the car door opened and slammed her on the head. Once again, she was crying (but with tears of pain) and her head hurt even worse! "Christopher, I love you and we have a future together, but I really hate that song. If you love me, if you want to keep dating, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE never listen to that song again". Senora sobbed. Christopher stood in shocked silence. "Do you want an ice pack for your head?" "DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT CHRISTOPHER." He bowed his head. "I really like you Senora, but that song is my dad. The song replaced my dad cause he rejected me (because of my music taste). It's also the song that was playing when I had my first kiss. And I married my wife to this song. And I was really hoping this song would be special for us, too." Senora was dumbfounded. "YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED???" Christopher laughed, "No, sorry, I meant ex wife! And she was just a Barbie doll wrapped in Kleenex. I was really lonely before I met you," he added. "I was really lonely before I met you, Christopher," Senora whispered. "But now my ears hurt from your stupid dad/ song and your whining. So have a good life." Senora ran off as fast as she could but she tripped and ended up walking away with a limp. 'Wait my parents cooked some good Mexican food' hollered Christopher. "You should break up with me tomorrow and still enjoy my parent's free food!!" Senora ran back to Christopher and they walked to his parent's house, leaving the broken car behind them.