The Pathetic Romance of a Mean Cough

Chapter 17: Crossing Paths

Christopher was crying once he got to the bar. He had downed at least four margaritas and didn't even care that he had used up all free margarita coupons. Christopher looked out the bar window and saw the bearded man wearing underwear and posing for the photographer. He had been replaced. And then Christopher noticed his dad admiring the bearded lumberjack underwear model. Christopher thought that he was the one who was supposed to be admired and was unbelievably upset that his dad was proud of a random stranger. This just made him feel even more depressed. Christopher moaned in tortured agony and looked to the heavens as if he was praying. The middle aged bald man who was sitting next to him looked concerned. "Are you okay kiddo" he asked Christopher. Christopher let out a sob and shook his head. The man said "Aww I know what'll cheer you up. There's a lady over there who is selling rare limited edition underwear and clothing from famous rappers and victoria secret models at very good prices." The man turned back around and Christopher walked off to check out what the lady was selling.

Meanwhile Senora was undeniably drunk. This was why she was selling the clothing at very low prices. She was so drunk that she couldn't recognize anyone and was selling clothes to the same people over and over again. However, her business was getting kind of slow and so she decided to order another celebratory drink. And that's when she saw the most handsome man ever walking towards her. He was mexican and kind of reminded her of her boyfriend Christopher. Senora had the urge to kiss this strange man and so she decided to make out with him even though she'd be cheating on Christopher.

Christopher walked over to the lady selling clothing. He could have sworn the lady was Senora but he thought it couldn't be her because he knew that Senora would never sell clothing and she'd just keep the clothes for herself. The lady was really pretty and was trying to seduce him and so he kissed her passionately. But after two minute christopher remembered he had a girlfriend and so he smacked her and yelled angrily "I have a girlfriend back off lady!!"

Senora walked away from the attractive spanish man she was making out with and left the bar. She started to walk back to her room and realized that she felt guilty. Why would she risk her relationship with Christopher over a random stranger at the bar?? Senora really didn't want to tell Christopher that she cheated on him and she decided not to.

Christopher left the bar a few minutes after the lady he kissed left the bar. He couldn't believe that he cheated on Senora. He knew that if he told Senora that he cheated on her Senora would lose her mind and go crazy on him and he was terrified to tell her.

Senora Sat on the bed giggling nuttily. She was hungry, starving even. She had eaten all of the snacks from the 7/11 they stopped at on their wild road trip. She wanted to buy a seven course meal from the restaurant, an old woman who bought the same scarf that the star of her favorite hallmark movie wore recommended the shrimp pasta. She took all of her earnings with her  and rushed to the door, crashing into it with her face, and then turned the doorknob and practically fell out of her room, forgetting to close the door. She sauntered down to the restaurant and a young looking waiter guided her to a circle table with a white tablecloth. He poured her a glass of ice water and looked at her, concerned.
"Hi my name is Shane, I'll be your waiter for the evening...Can I start you off with any appetizers?"
Senoras eyes were closed as she read the menu.
"YES, I'LL HAVE THE FRIES. I WANT ONION RINGS TOO. AND I'LL HAVE THREE ORDERs OF YOUR SLIDERS!"
"Ma'am... I'm afraid you haven't read the menu. We don't serve onion rings or sliders, those fries will be right out though."
Senora opened her eyes for the first time since she had been seated. She squinted at the waiter violently and flared her nostrils. The waiter tried to smile politely, but he gave more of a fearful grimace. Senora slammed her fist on the table and her words began slurring.
"Well that's jusht fiiiiiiine."
She squnted at the menu like it was a riddle she had to figure out. She smirked flirtatiously at the waiter.
"I will be having, two, no THREE orders of your LOBSHTER CAKESH..." she wiggled her eyebrows, still smirking. "And i will have ONE order of your french onion shoupe. And I will take TWO bashkets of your finest BAGUETTSHE!"
"That's alot of food ma'am, It will be quite a while before all that is ready."
Senora flared her nostrils again. She was about to make a scene but she didn't want anthything jeapordizing her dinner. She smiled, her eyes closed again.
"WELL THEN CHOP CHOP BIG BOY!"
She yelled loud enough for everyone at the restaurant to hear. The waiter sort of sighed and as he was turning away senora slapped him on the butt. A very guapo man was looking at her, intrigued. Of course senora didn't know this because she was sipping sugar water (sugar packets she kept in her purse)  happily, her eyes still closed. She had come to many great realizations in the past hour, one being that she didn't need to see anything to be happy. Also it was really bright everywhere. The guapo man came and sat in the empty chair at her table. And began stroking her hand
"Eating alone mi capibara?"
Senora opened her eyes into a squint.
"Yes, and I'm not sharing if that's what you were thinking."
"What a shame, soy muy guapo"
Senora had heard those words before. She opened her eyes all the way and did a double take.
"VICTOR??"
Victor smiled seductively
"Si mi capibara"
Victor was looking for someone to mooch off of because his wife had spent all of their cruise money on kim kardashian's home depot t shirt. He saw dollar bills flying out of her shorts when she got here so he was hoping to get a salmon steak with a rice pilaf out of her. Senora furrowed her eyebrows.
"You're chrstophers dad, and...you...YOU ARE THE WRITER OF SOY GUAPO"
He smiled proudly
"SI, ME LLAMO VICTOR, SOY GUAPO SOY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY-"
Senora shoved him to the ground.
"NO! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW OR I'LL RIP ALL YOUR HAIR OUT AND YOU WON'T BE SO GUAPO!"
Victor was incredulous
"I WILL ALWAYS BE GUAPO"
"NOT FOR LONG!"
Something deep in senora told her she needed to calm down. The promise of lobster cakes and french onion soup and fries and bread. She sat back down and held her hand out. He took it and she pulled him back up. He stumbled away from Senora shamelessly and sat down at another woman's table. She did not want to get kicked out. Victor learned something he never thought possible that night. Some women were immune to his charms.