What Little Girls Are Made Of

Ian

Ian

Looking around my new house I couldn’t help but think of what my last house was missing to make it a home, toys, toys scattered all over the floor and a puppy begging for attention. I sat back on my big comfy chair with a cup of coffee in my hand watching the puppy chase a flying ball. This is how I now live my weekends and I love it.

“Mommy mommy did you see that? Buster caught the ball. I threw it so high and he jumped and caught it.” Ian my four year old son was so proud of his puppy. I heard my phone that was sitting on the counter ring.

“That’s good Ian, let mommy answer the phone baby. Go play some more with Buster.” I said with a big smile on my face.

“Hello” I said answering the phone.

“Hi beautiful I am just getting off of work how about you me and Ian go and grab some breakfast.”

“Sounds good, see you when you get here” I said realizing Ian has been up now for a half hour and hasn’t eaten because he has been so busy with his new puppy playing catch.

“Good, see you when I get there Rey” then Jack hung up the phone.

Jack arrived and we went to this little café down the road. It was my favorite café. Jack and I spend every day together now, he makes Ian happy and I have to admit he makes me happy too. I think about Harper a lot he still has my heart and always will but he chose his life and that life didn’t include me. My life now is with Ian and Jack. Jack and I don’t live together but I have been letting him in a lot more. He tells me he loves me all the time and I just can’t say those words to him, at least not yet.

“I have something I need to say to you.” Jack said when we got to the cafe with a nervous voice. He cleared his throat and then continued. “I love you Rey, you have given me the greatest gift.” He then put his hand on Ian’s hand to let me know he was talking about him. “Ian is the most perfect little boy any man could ever ask for. You are the most beautiful woman any man could ask for. Will you please,” he cleared his throat again. “Will you please marry me?” he finished with tears in his eyes. The ring he held up wasn’t as exceptional as the one Harper gave me, it was simple and perfect.

“Jack. I. . . I can’t. . . I” I couldn’t find the words I was stunned and I didn’t see this coming.

“Look you don’t have to decide now, just know that I don’t want anyone else but you.” He said as a tear fell down his cheek. He placed the ring on my right hand. “When you decide to say yes we can put this on the proper hand.” He said and I just kissed him. How could he love me when I couldn’t give him my whole heart? I didn’t deserve him or his love.

The day went by with Ian playing with his puppy and Jack and I laughing at how funny those two were acting. Even though I had all these distractions I still couldn’t get Harper out of my mind. He was always there haunting me like a ghost. After Jack left later in the evening I put Ian in the tub and then tucked him into bed for the night. I went downstairs to clean up Ian’s toys and to do the dinner dishes. While putting a serving plate away that I haven’t used in years a bag fell from the shelf and hit me on the head. I stared at the bag remembering where I got it from and why I put it up there in the first place. It was the bag I had from the last job we did, the one that was placed in my locker at the hospital.

After cutting Harper and my uncle out of my life I changed my number and bought a new house and a new Jeep. I didn’t take anything with me from the old house. I left it as it was I even left my 1974 fully restored ‘VW thing’ behind, that was my baby and it killed me when I decided I couldn’t take anything not even that. I still own that house but I never go there.