Note By Note

IX : Sound, Glorious Sound

Note by Note

Chapter IX — Sound, Glorious Sound

[Dedicated Song: Jeremy Zucker — All the Kids are Depressed]

[25 March 2018]
[London, Angeloff Residence]
[17:22]

Following my slightly intense conversation with Kuyeya, I had quite a bit to think about. I barely got any sleep as I aimlessly floated through my thoughts like driftwood out in the ocean. I felt a mixture of emotions, mostly anger because I felt that she was simply talking, all with no true understanding of my situation. The belief was not a thing, and it would not be able to help restore my ability to play music. However, the more I brushed off Kuyeya's words as nothing more than a fancy apology, the more I started to believe in them.

It was as if the more negative energy I supplied them, the stronger the meaning of such words became. It did not make any sense, but that was usually the case when it came to Kuyeya. Currently, I was plopped down on the couch, busy with my phone while the television ran on without my attention. Just like I had been doing long before, I had locked myself inside the gates of my home, and not many of my friends had called upon me in the past few days. It was also odd, given how they would usually bombard me with texts and visits. Perhaps they finally understood that I required a bit of time to myself, even if I had realized how much I enjoy the time spent with them.

My mother was also gone on one of her business trips for a few days and the housekeeper had a bit of time off for today, so I had the entirety of the house to myself. There was nothing in particular that I had planned, so I simply allowed life to take its course.

Getting bored by the aimless scrolling on my phone, I picked up my Xbox controller and prepared myself for quite the game. I had set up the console and once the desired game had activated, its logo flashed at the front. Assassin's Creed: Origins. The Assassin's Creed franchise was quite possibly one of my favorite game franchises of all time. I had never understood why, but somehow, an advanced history lesson heavily appealed to me. However, just as I prepared to wander into the world of Ancient Egypt, my phone vibrated to life.

I placed my controller beside me and grabbed my phone off my lap, reading the contents of what appeared to be a text from Kuyeya. I raised my eyebrow in curiosity, wondering why she was calling me to the park. Although I would never admit to it, a small but of fear still dominated me. Plenty of the people that usually walk past my home had seen me nearly pass out twice and lose consciousness the third time. How could exactly even walk on that street again? What if people noticed me?

It seemed that I had spiraled back to where I had once started weeks ago, and all the minor, but significant progress that I had made had amounted to nothing.

I could not allow that. I could not allow the wheel to turn too far back when all this effort was invested in moving it forward. No matter how much paranoia I had, I eventually had to make my way out of this house. If I could not make a venture this simple, I would not be able to fully embrace the world once more. Although I doubted that day would ever come. So, acting against my anxiety, I stood from the couch and disappeared into my bedroom to prepare myself for the visit I was about to make.

Several minutes later, I now stood in front of my mirror in my room, tying my hair into a simple ponytail before I began to exit the room. I came to a sudden halt, gazing at the boxes that still stood in my room. The bongos and keyboard still rested inside the box and had not moved since the conversation with Kuyeya. I had tried to finish what I had started, but the memory of what she had said held a prominent spot in my mind and prevented me from doing so. It prevented me from doing what I thought was moving on.

I made my way towards the wall facing my bed, right where my ukelele hung on the wall. My hand extended towards the instrument, but I stopped it midway, unable to lock away what was the old me and unlock a brand new Ivanna. Days ago, all I wanted was to get rid of all of these useless items but now, the task felt like it required all the energy I could muster. I pulled my hand away from the ukelele and slowly left my room, knowing fully that the next chapter of my life was uncertain. And that thought scared me. Seconds went by, and they quickly transformed into minutes and I soon arrived in Hyde Park.