𝑫𝑹𝑰𝑭𝑻 [currently being edited]

chapter 19 - needed

Everyone knew how kind the moon summoner was, from the army camps across Ravka to the mountains in Shu Han. The maids and guards knew, they received personal cards written by the saint every yule.

The guards working cold winter nights would see that faint glow and know the warm cup of hot chocolate that the moon summoner was giving to them.

So when a lady turned up with some new grisha children claiming to be the moon summoners lost mother, well they expected a warm hug and to witness a joyful reunion.

Only one guard, the oldest did not expect to see a happy reunion, only one guard was there the night a beaten and starved child turned up at the gates with a woman practically selling her to the Little Palace. Only he remembered the size of the supposed thirteen year old, the shortness and lack of fat on her bones could not be the result of a few bad days or even weeks.

It was years of damage. Years of little food and cold nights that would result in a child like that. A child who flinched when he put his jacket over her freezing form.

He was the only one expecting the glare and the cold indifference in her voice from the always happy moon summoner. "What do you want Anya?"

The woman on the other side of the gate's smile faded at the tone and glare. "Darling Aruna I wanted to visit my daughter"

But Aruna was still kind, she had not lost her humanity to those who did not deserve it. A large annoyed sigh was heard. "Fine, bring her to my chambers"

That was that, the moon summoner turned around, the ever present glow diminished. Perhaps the moon knew its child was upset and too lost its glow.

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Aruna sat nervously in her chambers, a storm of emotions playing through her. She was angry and annoyed, confused and sad.

But she read books in the library, she did not want to be replaceable anymore. She was going to get closure.

When her supposed mother walked in, still as beautiful as ever, even in her aging days, still not thin, still warm by the coats that she wore, Aruna's angry began to grow.

"What are you doing here Anya?"

Her mother nervously wrung her hands while looking at Aruna's lavish chambers, filled with moments from friends and Aleksander's gift from when he visited other countries.

"I wanted to visit you. I know I haven't been the best mother but I wanted that to change, I regretted the way I treated you and I want things to change. Then the grisha testers came to the village and they said the name of the moon summoner, and I just knew it was you. They let me ride with them to the palace."

"You had your chance to be my mother and broke it, it's too late."

"I need you to understand I never wanted you. I grew up in that pathetic village, my father trying to sell me to a farmer. Then I met your father, he was a wealthy merchant, and he came and brought the salt mines. He took me out to dances, and we even visited Kerch. He took me out of that village, and that was all I wanted. We got engaged, he proposed to me in the moonlight, on a beach. I always wanted to visit a beach, he knew that. And we were happy, we were going to buy a big house and settle down, he was going to take me places."

This was the first time Aruna had ever heard her mother talk about her father.

"But then I saw a letter in the mail, it turned out he already had a wife, and a son. He was just on a holiday and I was the pathetic village girl he was enjoying for his holiday. I confronted him and he confused it all, I left back for that village that day and when I arrived back I found out I was pregnant. I had to do it all alone, no one would help me. Then you came, you weren't even a boy and you looked so much like him. With your Suli skin and that hair, everyday I had to look at you and see him. Everyday I had to see the man who betrayed me and used me and I was supposed to love you unconditionally. But I didn't, couldn't, I am not a good person."

Aruna's heart might have once broken for her mother, but not anymore, she was sick of excuses. "I didn't need you to be a good person, I just needed you to be my mother."

"And you failed. You didn't need to love me unconditionally, I would have accepted a meal everyday or a warm blanket, or letting me play in the sun. Did you know that I vomited every meal when I arrived here because I was so unused to food. Did you know I had to have glasses because my eyes were so used to the bright sun. Why because you forced me up into those caves to do a man's job. I still vomit at the smell of salt. Everyday you took away any scrape of happiness I could've had, just because you were unhappy with your shitty life. Well guess what I am happy now, I have friends, I have people who love me now even when the don't need to. All you had to do was care for me, I didn't need your love. I just needed a warm meal to be happy or a kohl painted rock, and yet you took away everything. And you forced me in those tiny caves, I still get nervous in little spaces, I can't ride in carriages. And the best day of my life was when those piles of salt collapsed on my body."

By now Aruna was shouting, she had years of build up and nights spent crying was coming out. She didn't care that half the Little Palace could hear her, she just needed to get it out.

"Now leave, didn't you tell me how replaceable I am everyday damn day of my life. Get out with your sob story and warm coats and leave my life, you don't get to check in and decided to be a mother, you had your chance everyday damn day for the first half of my life and you failed every single day. So get out, leave this place knowing I am your only child and you failed, and I hate you."

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Ya'll Im crying in the club. Anyway fuck Anya. But like glad our girl Aruna got her closure. Hopefully our boy Aleksander can pull his shit together to comfort her.