His Irresistible Ways

Chapter 16 ☽

Chapter 16 ●

forgive me for any mistakes (:

enjoy :3

*********

          I passed both my hands over my face and took a deep breath, and then, I took a strand of my hair and put it behind my ear. My hair seemed dry and uncontrolled, seemed to have lost all of its color, seemed so clear- of course, it might be just me, an illusion, but I didn't bother to discuss it with my mind.

       I didn't sleep. I only kept my eyes locked on the white ceiling of my room all the time. When I'd think about the call, the time seemed to get stuck with a steel chain to my leg; on the other hand, sometimes my conscience would become lost and, as I let my eyes stay in that dark whiteness, I'd lose track of the minutes, hours even.

       I don't understand how such a thing kept me from sleeping. The more I want to sleep, less chance I have to be able to do it. Although I couldn't close my eyes and fall asleep, the will was not missing.

        There wasn't a lot of physical pain, just psychological. Seemed like when I'd see myself close to finding sleep something would stop me, sometimes my own mind.

         I would change position, breathe more deeply, close my eyes tighter, let my mind fall blank. But nothing. And the option to stand up was also not on the table, because that's where the physical pain would really manifest.

          My back hurt and was weak, as in all periods of great stress. My legs were just tired and my feet asleep. And leave the comfort of my bed would cost too much. Too much.

        I opened the tap, and then allowed some water to drain through my hands, lifted them and washed my face, trying to wake myself up. Nothing. My eyes were heavy; the only difference from three minutes ago, was that a shiver did go through me, up and down, completely.

         It seems torture. I cannot forget. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I try, how often I do it. All the memories remain in me. The best I can do is try to think about other things, because if my mind go back to that guy, there will be a relapse, and they never get easier, at all; people would say that time heals everything, but that is not true. At least with me. Everything I felt with him, comes back at the very moment that I remember his face.

Forget.

Forget it, Jen.

Just... Forget.

"Yeah?" - I said, after taking the phone out of my pocket.

"I'm here, hurry up."

"On my way."- I hung up, sighing.

       I took a deep breath and left the bathroom and, as I saw my reflection move away, it seemed like I found myself alone once again. I found my headphones quickly, were on my couch; my bag, which was on the floor- to run away from the normal (please, understand my sarcasm); and my books, which were resting on the living room table.

      I left home, and made my way to the elevator. I connected my headphones to my phone and immediately put them in the ears. My heart jumped as soon as the elevator began to fall.

I want to sleep so bad.

"Hey."

"Hey."- I answered, as I entered her car.

"You are not looking very good today."

"I could not sleep."- I sighed, turning my head to the window, killing the conversation right there.