Sarcasm At Its Best

Chapter 1: Molded Blue Cheese and AXE Cologne

(Edited)

Look at this cover!

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"YOU'RE WHAT!?"

Oh no. This can't be happening!

"I said, I'm moving to Malibu - in California." He replied calmly, not flinching at all as I abruptly erupted into yelling. The soothing sound of the ocean water did nothing to help the high levels of anxiety and anger clawing at the front of my lungs.

"When," I inquired with a barely withheld sense of panic, "was this extraordinarily atrocious plan decided on?"

Why? Why!? What did I do to deserve this!? I've been good! I have! Except maybe for that time I punched that kid in freshman year, or that time I made fun of that football player that was shorter than me, or that time I covered the principles car in sticky notes. 

I've been a relatively 'not bad' human.

"My parents just decided it yesterday," Matt answered, the irritation in his voice becoming evident as he flicked the water by his leg. "We will be leaving next week. They already enrolled me at a high school there and everything." 

"But what about baseball?" I brought up, pointlessly acting as if I could debate this with my friend that obviously had no power of this decision, from the looks of things. "They already had tryouts. Going now would mean not being able to play!" The argument was a foolish one, but it wasn't as if I cared about looking like a fool. Anyone who could be watching from the shore would have seen my waving my hands around in the air, throwing myself off balance, and assumed that I was a rather strange individual. 

"We got them to let me tryout anyways," he responded, shrugging his shoulders and leaning forward until his elbows rested on his board. The swaying water might have seemed peaceful, but it was a rare sight for this time of year in Oregon waters.  "Since it's the last two weeks of summer, they said I could still make the team."

"Well, what about your life? Your history?" If I could have kept the questions from firing off, I would have. However, the frustration and and anger of having to say goodbye to my childhood best friend so suddenly was clouding any sensibility I could have had. "You've lived here your whole life! Leaving now would mean abandoning everything. Abandoning me! What about your past? Have you no honor?!" The melodramatic exclamation was a poor attempt at making light of the situation, but the gentle shake of Matt's head and the small smile on his lips was well-enough a reward. 

Matt sighed and ran a hand through his damp, blond hair, his fingers getting a little stuck in the ends. "I know," his response came, the sound of defeat resonating in its tone. "It's not my decision. My dad was assigned by his company to supervise the building of a high rise in Los Angeles. We don't have a choice with this one."

I groaned and let my head fall back in annoyance. "But what am I going to do? You are leaving me to deal with the snooty people, obnoxious aroma, and pointless drama all on my own. Just send me to my death now!" The past two years had been difficult enough, trying to get life to resume back to normalcy without losing my own sanity. 

I came pretty close to getting a suspension last year because of our old buddies at school. Without him here, I'm destined to get in trouble.

How fantastic.

Matt gave a short laugh as he looked at me with a side smile. "C'mon, Averly," he started, giving me a knowing look. "We both know that you have more wit than anybody in the school and are plenty able to take care of yourself. Hell, you ran the place until you decided to turn over a new leaf."