Love Is Selfish | JJK

Chapter IV: Drunk Resolutions

The meeting wasn't too bad. I expected all the ministers to be on my head about the implications of Father's unforeseen gesture but nothing of the sorts. Surprisingly enough, most of them seemed to be on-board with this idea. I don't know whether I should be happy about this anymore—their surreptitious deploration of me.

Thoughts cluttered my mind and I knew I needed a break. I was sick of repeating the same routine, over-and-over again till I was completely enervated by this dreary monotonous 'schedule' of mine. A vacation might help but I highly doubt I can get one, especially now. Perhaps I'd have to settle for another trip into town. I'll convince Jin to let me. Nothing better than taking a day off work and spending it roaming the streets in disguise with your closest friends and deceiving those stuck-up snobbish Two's and  Three's.

Deciding to start the 'vacation' a little earlier off, I called upon my maids and headed to the Tennis Courts to commence what I hoped to be a wonderful escapade from this miserable life of mine. The game was fun and hard-fought. Me and Jena against Dami and Lia. Hana was referee. Team Damia won but it was a narrow victory. My competitive ego was bruised and although I laughed it off, I was chafing inside.

Blinded by my temper, I angrily flounced off the moment I was out of their eyesight. Nothing was going my way. First, I couldn't have breakfast in peace. Then the interrupter just had to be an extra handsome rebel who knew how to get under my skin. And of course, those meaningless words of his still hurt. And I now also had to meet him several times over the next few months for trying to fix the Caste System, like I haven't tried already. Okay, maybe that isn't too bad. He's pretty confident and determined, intent on improving people's lives and unwavering at that too, undaunted by any menacing obstacles that he might face. What made him so indefatigable. So relentlessly persistent. What'll he gain by achieving any of this? And those exasperating ministers with their irksome questions. Who are they to judge me and that I've done for our kingdom, for Illéa? They even limited my only source of happiness these days - Jimin and his skillful kisses from those deliciously plump lips.

Deciding to cool off, I poured myself a drink, the events from the Court still fresh in my mind. I was horrible distracted and never focused on placing the ball, somehow managing to hit them all out of bounds.

The exhaustion taking control of my body, I walked over from the open-bar and collapsed onto the creamy leather sofa of our joint suite. I had just gulped my sixth shot down maybe when Jimin came in. He instantly rushed over to my tipsy self—high enough to not give a fuck about anything but still very much within my senses—and began chiding me.

"Drinking everyday is not gonna solve your problems, nor is moping about..." Unluckily for me, I had a high alcohol tolerance which meant that I was forced to process everything he said. Trying to zone out, my own thoughts distracted me till old memories came rushing up and I burst into tears - soon hysterically sobbing and wallowing in self-pity at what a failure I was. Maybe I wasn't fit to be Queen after all.

Jimin delicately placed his arms around my blubbering figure and lifted me up, carrying me over to our bed where he gently placed me on his lap after sitting down facing himself.

He looked straight into my eyes and softly rocked my body back and forth as he attempted to lull me into sleep. Suddenly placing my head onto his chest, he sweetly began to sing into my ear with his angelic voice.

"You need somebody who can love you at your worst

No, you're not perfect but I hope he sees your worth

'Cos it's only you, nobody new, he'll put you first

And for you, girl, I swear he'll do the worst.

If you stay forever, he'll hold your hand

He can fill those places in your heart no one else can

Let him show you love, ooh, he doesn't pretend

He'll be right there baby, whenever you want him"

Those comforting words sung in Jimin's soothing voice sobered me up at once and I immediately stopped crying. Who was he to judge me? Who is that random stranger to define my worth with those crass words of his when he doesn't even know me? No, I'll prove it to him, I'll prove that I'm more than capable of leading the State, I'll be the Queen of Illéa, the Queen of their hearts and more importantly, I'll be the queen of his heart. I'm a monster? I can't be bothered with the well-being of my citizens? I'll show him just how much of an interest I take. And as pay-back, I'll even get him to fall for me. Fall hard and fall bad. And then at the end, when I hold his heart in my hands, I'll tear him apart and utterly break him.

Having decided on a resolution to appease my conflicted emotions, I immediately felt better. What truly bothered me now was just how much those words, his words affected me. I had tried to hide how much his words affected me but I couldn't. Who was he to affect my feelings so much? What was so different about him that I couldn't just block those out the same way I did for others? I'd heard so much trash from the media and had grown immune to it. I couldn't care less about it anymore but why was it that when he said it to my face, I felt so fucking pathetic about who I was.

Maybe it was the sincerity and candour in his statement. The way it didn't seem like just another attempt to lambast me but rather, a carefully thought over inference reached at after a painstakingly in-depth character analysis of me. It felt so raw and real, like it was the truth. That I was a monster and maybe still am, for never looking after my people.

But he didn't know the whole truth. More importantly, he didn't know me, the real me and he reached that conclusion based on limited and controlled knowledge. Would he ever like me for who I am, the real me?

That might be a good food for thought for later, but for now, I only wanted to thank Jimin in the best way I knew. 'Your wish is my command' more like, His pleasure is my objective.

HEHEHEHEHHE LOOK FORWARD TO SOME ahem SOME REAL STUFF NEXT CHAP ;D THINGS ARE GONNA GET SPICY AND BY SPICY- I MEAN FLAME BURNING SO HOT U BURN UR TONGUE, STEAM'S BLOWING OUT OF YOUR EARS AND EVEN FROZEN ICE CREAM CAN'T CALM THE HEAT SO WHO'S READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ;D *SMIRKY FACE* COZ WTTPAD FUCKING SUCKS, IT CHANGED HOW EMOJIS LOOK SO IT LOOKS GROSSSSSSSSSSSS, WTH IS 😏 SUPPSOED TO BE