Double-Edged Sword ─ age of ultron ✓

six

TODAY marked the first real fight between Alex and Steve. In the year or so they'd been living together, they'd had small arguments here and there, but nothing that caused so much frustration and animosity.

"You're just a kid! You're not coming, end of story."

"I am not 'just' a kid! I spent years of my life being trained as an assassin! I have done and seen things most adults can't even imagine. I've killed men with my bare hands." Alex crossed her arms. "There is a killer robot trying to take over the world. You guys need help. I may not be the ideal help, but I'm what you've got. Please. I just want to help."

"No!" Steve shook his head for what had to be the millionth time that night. "Alex, no. You're not getting involved in this."

"I already am involved!" Alex crossed her arms. "Sasha's a kid too, and you had no problem letting her help."

"Sasha is not my kid. It's Natasha's decision to let her do stuff like that. You are my kid, and I don't think it's a good idea. You could get hurt."

In all honesty, Steve had not thought this far in their relationship. He hadn't really thought about what would happen if Alex wanted to follow in his footsteps and use her training for good. That probably should have dawned on him before, but he was a little busy freaking out over the fact that he had a daughter. On one hand, he was proud that Alex wanted to save the world and help people and all that jazz. On the other hand, Steve had seen the consequences of violence. He'd seen war, he'd seen the catastrophic battle of New York, he'd seen the Hydra incident last year, he'd seen what Ultron unleashed earlier, presumably only a fraction of Ultron's grand plan, and he'd seen so much loss as a result. He didn't want to lose Alex too. And what kind of father would he be if he let his kid daughter put her life on the line like that, doing a job that was bad news for fully grown adults? She was supposed to have a chance to be normal, not to trade one fight for another.

"So could you, but you keep going on missions," Alex argued.

"I'm an adult with a lot more experience than you. By joining this fight, you would be risking your life, and you'd be putting a target on your back for the rest of your life."

"I already have a target on my back! People are already after me. I need an alias just for going to the store. How is this any different?" Alex shook her own head. "When I left Hydra, I thought I was finally going to be able to make decisions for myself instead of being ordered around. I thought I would have a chance to do something good after all of the horrible things I've done. But I guess I was wrong."

She stalked off into her room, slamming the door behind herself and lying down on the floor. When she was looking for comfort at night, she still sometimes slept on her carpet, having spent the past few years of her life sleeping on the ground. During her Hydra years, her free time and her sleep, which were generally spent on the floor of a cell, was a refuge. She liked the familiarity of her old routine for easing her miserable mind.

On the floor, Alex pulled her knees to her chest. She understood Steve's objections. Technically, yes, she was a child. He was also her slightly overprotective father, so trying to keep her out of trouble was in his job description. But she wasn't a normal kid. She was a trained assassin with superhuman abilities who had fought and shot and stabbed and slit the throats of more people than she could count. She knew how to fight, and she knew how to kill. On the outside, she probably looked like a delicate, innocent young girl who couldn't even throw a punch, let along murder an adult man. On the inside, she was lethal, terrifyingly strong, her skin stained with other people's blood. She sure as hell wasn't proud of it, doing her best to push all of the memories into a lock box and wash her hands with bleach, but nothing could change the fact that it was part of her now. KillSwitch would always be part of her, whether she liked it or not. She might as well harness those abilities for good.

And, though Alex tried not to admit it to herself, it wasn't all about being selfless like her father. She absolutely wanted to help people and use her experience as an asset, but on an unconscious level, she hoped it would serve as some kind of redemption. What she did as KillSwitch could never be made up for. She didn't deserve absolvement. Even though she was under Hydra's orders, it was still her hand that wielded the knife. She just wanted to be less of a monster. She wanted to be human again.

In the living room, Steve sat down on the couch, slumping forward and resting his head on his hands. Alex's words hit him hard. Would he be doing the right thing keeping her from the fight? He would be, right? Because it was dangerous, especially for a kid? Because she wasn't old enough to understand the potential consequences?

But Alex was right. She wasn't just a kid. She was a trained superhuman assassin with dozens of kills spanning over decades. He remembered fighting her in D.C. a year ago, and she sure as hell held her own. By this point, in some ways, she was almost as grown up as the rest of the Avengers. They were also in pretty deep, if the earlier incident was any indication. They probably needed all the help they could get. Steve just...it didn't feel right. He was supposed to be a good father, make up for what he couldn't do when Alex was younger and protect her. Would a good father let his daughter fight a killer robot? He didn't know. He really didn't know.

★★★

I figured I should post a quick chap before I go back to school this week.