vivid dreams - BTS

black swan

After the work in the cafe started, I started to see him more often. He used to come to us to inspect the status of the cafe, though not every day. Ever since I started seeing him, the feelings inside me started to grow even more.

He had a very pure heart, and the purity of this heart was so evident. He was a very different person, despite being this famous, he was one of the purest, humblest, calmest people I've ever met.

He knew very well how to make the people around him happy, even just a smile was enough to make people happy. I wanted to buy him a present, I had to give him some compensation for what he did, if I had Marw with me I could have asked her everything, but she was not with me.

I knew he was going to release an album soon, and I knew he was busy. And I didn't see him often anymore. And he wasn't even in Korea anymore. I knew he was going to stay in America for a while. 1 month or 2 months. There was an emptiness inside me because I couldn't see him. I felt like I had lost the person I loved. There was no light that I always saw. It was dark everywhere.

As soon as I entered the cafe, I turned on the lights and looked around. I wanted to take pictures of the place and send them to Marw, but I didn't know how she would react to me. Since I came here, our conversations have decreased, almost non-existent. I missed her, having her by my side. I missed her telling me things for hours, going to Starbucks and drinking coffee, finding parks we had never been to before, and having a picnic there. It was empty when everything was so full.

I lowered the cardboard on the table to the floor and took the computer out of my bag and placed it on the table. I liked to listen to music while working, the sounds from behind helped to reduce my loneliness. When I opened Youtube, there were a lot of new videos and interviews about BTS. I wanted to watch, but at the same time, I was afraid. I had no idea what he was like in his business life. 

They had participated in one of America's most-watched shows. The Late Late Show with James Corden. The title of the video just caught my attention. BTS: Black Swan, I thought of the movie Black Swan we watched with Marw in high school. I was wondering if it was related. I took a deep breath and clicked on the video.

' The new album ' Map Of The Soul: 7 is out. Here perform ' Black Swan ' for the first time on television, please welcome BTS! '

The stage consisted of black and midnight blue. The choreography really reminded of me Ballet and a Swan figure.  And it was the first time I saw his other friends on stage. They were 7  people. The person I saw on stage was very different. There was someone passionate, focused only on what he was doing, and enjoying what he was doing. The look in his eyes was very different. His movements were gentle, but at the same time very stern. He danced feeling the song.

His voice... He had a very different and unique tone. Soft and heart-touching. When I looked at him, he was different from the person who comes to the cafe every day. I watched the video with excitement as if I was watching a musical. It was like everything just flew away. 

After watching the video, I immediately texted Marw. She was the first person that came to my mind. I know we didn't talk, but I had to share this with her.

' For some reason, I loved this song so much. '  I said.

And a few minutes later I got a text from her and all she ever sent me was a photo of her in the bathroom with  H. She hadn't even paid attention to what I was sending and she didn't care...
I didn't know what to say or how to react. After seeing such reactions, I decided not to really share anything with her. I wouldn't tell her anything. I wouldn't be able to...

After 2 months, Jimin returned home again. I could see that he was happy, but I still didn't see him often. They were constantly appearing on programs and promoting their albums. But he texted me saying ' I didn't forget the coffee promise ', but I didn't know when he would come to the cafe. I was dressing properly and putting on make-up with the hope that he would come to me every day. I wanted to welcome him nicely.

Our conversations with Marw continued, but it wasn't all that happened between us. The way we talked, our attitude towards each other was completely different. I was trying to reach her somehow, but I couldn't. Finally, she asked me,

' Why are you so obsessed with them? '

I didn't want to fight her or break her heart. But I realized that I couldn't help myself and we argued. She wouldn't let me explain myself. But I still wanted to explain myself to her, but I couldn't. I couldn't see that power in myself and I had to shut up again. No matter how far we were, how much we fought and argued, she was one of the most important people in my life. no matter what I don't want to lose her...

One evening, I was sitting at my house and watching the K-drama that I just started. I had not eaten, I was not thinking of eating. I just wanted everything to be the same as before. I could hear my stomach growl. I would pick up the remote and stop the show and I got up and walked to the kitchen and at that moment I slammed my foot on the edge of my desk. After swearing to myself, I opened the fridge. And it was empty. There was nothing left because I usually ate my food in the cafe or out. I loved to cook at home, but if I always cook at home, only Marw comes to mind. 'Cause, she was the best cook between us.

When I looked outside it was still raining but I thought I should eat. I finally decided to take my umbrella and go to the market. If you live in Seoul, it is not difficult to reach the market. One out of every five stories is a market. As I was walking towards the market, I noticed someone walking towards me. He had a huge bucket hat on his head and a black mask on his face. I knew it was him. I knew him. When he saw me he stopped and looked at me. I looked at him and smiled and nodded my head. I thought to myself, what is he doing in this rain and here? He took off the mask on his face and came to me and took the umbrella from my hand and held it himself.

' It's late, and it's raining. What are you doing here? ' he asked slowly, looking at me. I missed his eyes and especially his scent.
' Hello Jiminah. '  I said smiling.
' Oh, Mianhe. Hello Querida. '  he said and laughed.
' I need to get something to eat. I am so hungry. ' I said and we started walking.
' You should definitely go to that restaurant up ahead, they make the best Jajangmyeon I've ever eaten in my life. Have you eaten? '  his eyes were smiling while he was talking, I couldn't understand what he was saying because I was looking at him.
' Huh? Ahh. jajangmyeon No, I have never tried. '
' Aaiissh! Didn't you eat? I do not believe you! Let's eat together then, I'm very hungry too. '