No Strings

Lust-sick

Marina's POV

I have to admit, I am a little disappointed that in the two weeks she's known my address, she's only been over once. Literally one time.

The truth is, I think she's laying off. And I don't at all want her to. The lack of her attention doesn't feel good. I'm not used to it.

But hopefully that's going to change tonight. Lana and I share a producer, Rick Nowels. He's taking me to see her perform. And yes, maybe I did push for it. But who can blame me?

She told me she likes me, and it felt good. More than good. I want her to say more sweet things to me, and give me more of her attention. I need it.

I've also found that my mind has been wandering to her more often than usual. I can't even pin down what it is that I think about. It's just everything. But I do know that I think about her in two different ways; admiration and lust.

When I admire her I think about how beautiful and intimidating she is, and how she's her own type of person. She isn't like anybody else, and she does it perfectly.

Thinking about her in a lust way is different. I get caught up in my faint memories from the blurry night we spent together in London. It feels almost like it didn't even happen, which I hate. She was incredible. I'd love to remember it in full detail. The kissing, the touching, everything. I want it.

It's like love-sickness but for lust. I'm lust-sick.

I also need to snap out of it, because I don't like how vulnerable I'm being.

Tonight I'm dressed up as Electra for Lana's show, just because it looks good for the paparazzi. It's nice that I'm still making a concerted effort for the era, and I think my fans like when I go all out.

I showered, dried my hair, did my makeup, and put on my blonde Electra wig. Picking out an outfit wasn't too hard either. All I needed to do was find something pink or white that came just below the knee, and then I matched my hair ribbon to it.

I'm an expert at the Electra aesthetic by now. And as I should be, I did create it after all.

I make sure I'm absolutely camera ready in every way. There's definitely going to be paparazzi and definitely going to be some of mine and Lana's mutual fans that I'll stop and get pictures with if they want.

Rick comes to pick me up around 6 and we head straight to Lana's show. He's actually one of the best people I've ever worked with. He helped me write Bubblegum Bitch, Homewrecker, The State Of Dreaming, Valley Of The Dolls, and Hypocrates.

"Have you ever thought about collaborating with her?" he asks me on the way to the venue. I look up at him, realising I'd been in my thoughts for a while.

"I don't really know. Our music sounds so different, especially in the Electra Heart era." I say, he raises his shoulders

"I think it'd be a beautiful song"

"Do you think she'd even want to work with me?" I ask, he raises his eyebrows empathetically

"Of course. You're both so talented, and presumably you get on well?"

It's complicated.

"Mostly" I simplify

"Nothing to worry about then" he smiles.

I like Rick. He's fatherly, but the good kind of father. He's a whole head taller than me - I only come up to his chin, which only adds to the father figure aspect. He smells nice too; manly but safe. I trust him.