The Train Of Life [NCT Dream]

the reality

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Cold. You don't know how long it has been. Your body began to shiver and your teeth chattered at the ice-cold air that seemed to have engulfed your whole being. You licked your lips, turning up to the moonlight when you felt it.

Snowflakes. Falling onto your knees and your arm, each speck of white leaving you freezing more than you were before. Despite the new surroundings that you hated so much, you felt a certain calm in the air and you reached out to catch more snow in your palm as you smiled.

You, once again, felt yourself fall into a deep hole of sentiment when you looked out and missed the sunflowers. Instead, you saw pine trees and blankets of snow on the ground, untouched and unmarked by anyone.

"I felt you dwell at the faults of forever the moment I walked in," a man said. This no longer took you by surprise and you turned to greet him, wondering how similar he would be as the previous person. His skin was white as snow and he chuckled lowly. "I am nowhere as nice as fear."

"Nice?" you asked in surprise. Fear was not nice. The newcomer nodded as if to say yes. Fear was nice. "I don't want to guess who you are. At least Fear had a transition."

He shrugged and he seemed like he did not want to waste time.

"I am only harsh because you make me to be," he told me, taking a seat. He wore a top hat and when you looked closely, you noticed that he wore a tuxedo under his cloak. "I am reality."

"Reality is harsh, whether I make it to be or not," you say back, unimpressed. He must have caught on, the male undoing the cuffs around his wrists.

"I am your reality," he corrected himself. "You can call me Jeno."

"My reality?" you asked, not understanding what the concept was.

"I am the reality you have in your head, my lady," he murmured, a soft smile traveling up his features before he crossed his legs over the other. "The reality you built for yourself."

He hesitated, a beat of silence as Jeno pondered what to say. You waited, patience being a virtue of yours when he decided that this was the best analogy.

"I am what you see in the mirror," he finalized. "I am you, at this moment, right here. Jisung was the reality of your past and I am the reality of your present."

You were exhausted at this point and you only realized it when your shoulders felt heavy, the male's gaze on you when he opened his arms. It took you a moment to understand what he wanted, Jeno taking it upon himself to pull you towards him so you were tucked to his side with your head under his chin.

A wave of comfort washed through you, his hand on the small of your back, the male rubbing circles through the material of your coat. For a moment, you allowed yourself to feel comforted, your eyes closed and pressed against the warm skin of his neck.

"It's been a while," you murmur and he hummed, the vibration of his voice making you sigh. "It's been a while since I've felt comfort."

"You don't allow yourself too, that's why." We both basked in silence, Jeno asking you what you felt.

What did I feel? Indifference, you thought. Emptiness. No pain, just emptiness.

You didn't need to say it to know that he got it. You both shifted, looking out the window to see the snow fall heavily and never in your life, did you ever think that reality could be as comforting as this. It was cold but you felt warm with acceptance, Jeno's face on your shoulder in silent solace.

"You do not get love from those who refuse to give it to you," Jeno murmured, mimicking your action of trying to catch snowflakes, both your hands waving in front of you. "And if you feel empty, you have to accept the fact that you must feel empty to feel full again. That is the reality of life."

As a snowflake fell on your cheek, it burned slightly from the frost and you brushed it away.

"Be gentle with yourself," he continued and you perked up at his words, turning to tilt your head at him with how familiar it sounded to your ears.

Be gentle to yourself. Only then, will you be able to set yourself free.

"I wrote that," he told you. "Everyone's current reality is different and that is yours. You're too hard on yourself, you think you are nothing without your parents. You're afraid and you break every barrier of self-confidence you have when it comes to making mistakes. Because of that, you lack self-worth."

His lips found your forehead and you closed your eyes.

"Comfort yourself when you need to," he said, his thumb caressing your cheek. He was the only one who had stepped in and embraced you as you are and you thought that you should allow yourself to do the same. "Be gentle to yourself, my love."

My love.

And as if you were speaking to yourself, you felt your heart swell and the train began to pick up speed. You did not want him to leave, your hands clamoring for him to stay but the speed was enough for you to cower in the corner by the window and the seat.

"There are still different versions of yourself you still can become!" his voice bellowed through the midst of the icy hurricane that was swirling all around you.

"Will I ever see you again?" you ask, in hopes of you trying to see.

I'd rather not see you again, a thought popped into your mind.

Because if I do, it means that I have failed.