You are the love of my life.
Everything I am, and everything I'll ever be
Is because of you...
I remember that mantra my mom used to say to me every night before I go to sleep. She would caress my face and look at me dearly as she waits for me to fall asleep. But that night was different. She was lying in a hospital bed with oxygen in her nose. Her eyes were closed and all I could do was hold her hand and wished for this nightmare to stop. Sana magising na ako. Sana maging okay na si Mom. I want her to get well so we could go to the places she likes to go. I don't want to lose my mom. She's the only relative that I have.
I have a step father. My mom married him when I was ten years old. Mabait naman ang asawa ni Mom pero alam kong hindi niya ako mahal tulad ng pagmamahal sa akin ni Mom. I have two step brothers - they're twins. Si Marco at Gus - both have different worlds at an early age. Kahit na nandyan sila at kahit na mahal nila ang Mom, hindi ko naman sila itinuturing na kapatid - we're just friends, acquaintances but never brothers. Civil kami, pero may wall at hindi na mawawala ang wall na iyon dahil alam ko naman ang tunay na dahil kung bakit pinakasalan ni Mom ang Papa ng dalawang Ledesma.
She wanted to give me the family I deserve.
When I was a kid - I used to tell her that having her with me is enough. Hindi ko kailangan ng kahit na anong material sa mundo - siya lang at ang pagmamahal niya. Ni hindi ko hinahanap sa kanya ang tunay kong ama. For me, he didn't matter at all. Nabuhay ako sa loob ng labing-walong na taon na hindi ko siya kinailangan at hindi ko siya kakailanganin pa. I sighed. I kissed my mom's palm. Noon ko siya napansin na dumilat at saka ngumiti sa akin.
"Simon Paul..." She called my name. Tumayo ako pero hindi ko binitiwan ang pagkakahawak ko sa kamay niya. Hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya. She's so thin. Wala na ang kulay sa pisngi niya, humpak na iyon at halos lumabas na ang mga ugat niya. She's very far from the healthy lady I grew up with but still she's the epitome of beauty for me.
"Don't touch Mommy's head, Simon, mahuhulog na angn natitira kong buhok..." She even had the guts to chuckle. I looked up. I will never let her see me cry. Kailangan ako ni Mommy. Kailangan niya ako nang malakas ako.
"Mom..." I just sighed. "By the way, Arru bought you something. She said it's a gift." Pinilit kong ngumiti. Kinuha ko ang regaling ibinigay sa akin ni Arruba kanina. Arruba is my girlfriend and she was here earlier pero kinailangan niyang umuwi dahil walang mag-aasikaso sa kapatid niya. Hangga't maari ayoko sanang naiiwan mag-isa but she has things to do. Sinabi niya na lang na tatawagan niya ako. I was smiling as I reached for Mom again.
Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang regalo. Sinenyasan niya ako na buksan iyon and I did. Nasa loob ay ang isang wig - itim na wig. I showed it to her. Ngumiti si Mom sa akin. Inalalayan ko siyang makaupo tapos ay ako pa ang nagsuot ng wig sa kanya. She closed her eyes.
"Ang ganda-ganda mo, Mom." I whispered to her. She caressed my face habang nakapikit pa rin siya.
"Ka-kapag nakapikit ako at sinasabi mo iyan sa akin, parang naririnig ko ang Daddy mo."
