The Carter's

Chapter 3

As Colton and I were aproaching home I just couldn't stop feeling guilty about this hole night. Not only did I lie to my brothers but I also was about to ruin their only night of freedom without worrying about me. God, I wish I had thought this through before messing everything up. Like always.

As we stoped at a red light I gathered some courage to talk to Colton.

"I...ehm...I-I just wanted to say that, I..." I kept rambling.

He didn't say anything, just kept looking straight at the red light, ignoring my existence, probably counting the minutes to get me out of his sight. I knew he was pissed. And he had all the right to be.

"I'm sorry" I said all of a sudden. As he didn't react I continued. "I'm sorry for ruining your night, and I'm sorry you had to leave the party this early because of me. I-I should have listened to you and..."

He looked at me for less than ten seconds and returned his gaze to the road.

"I'm not having this conversation with you right now" He simply said.

"I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't thought this through and I'm sorry" he continued to ignore me.

"I know you're pissed, and you're right I just didn't think and I'm sorry I should've listen to you. I- Just please say something" I begged him. The silence treatment was killing me.

"You never think, do you?" He sarcastically laughed said. Auch, that hurt, even coming from him.

"You want me to say something? Fine! I'm awfully tired of you being this selfish little brat who doesn't think about anyone else but herself" He angrily said. "It was my last fucking party, with my friends that I won't be seeing next year because of college, but you had to ruin it" He said now looking at me with nothing but pure anger in his eyes. " I tried to have a night out, have fun, but you don't care, do you? It's always about you"

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." I stuttered but before I could continue he cut me off.

"Get out" He said not looking at me anymore.

"Wh-what?" I asked.

"I said get out, if you're old enough to go to a party and do whatever the fuck you want, then you're grown up enough to get home by yourself. I'm not driving you home" He spat out.

I looked at him in complete shock. Was he going to leave me alone, in the middle of the road at 3am? He wasn't, right? He was just trying to sound intimidating, wasn't he?

He unlocked the car, still not looking at me. So I did what he wanted, I got out. 

As I stood in the middle of the road, freezing, I would have never expected him to drive away. I simply thought he wanted to scare me a little to get his revenge. But the longer I waited, there, alone, I realised he really had left.

What am I supposed to do now? How do I get home?  Those questions were on repeat in my head. With my phone completly dead, I just knew a place close by, it wasn't the cozyest, but at least nobody would complain about my presence. And frankly I wanted to be alone, and let Colton have his space to cool off.

I looked at dad's grave under the willow tree, and I sat down next to it.

"Hey dad, I missed you. I wish you were here, you always knew the right thing to say" I sighted.  "I screwed up, dad. I know I have, and I'm so so sorry, I know they're trying their best to raise me. They are working their asses off. I can see the exhaustment in their eyes after a long day at work, and I can't help feeling guilty sometimes. I'm the reason why they sacrifice their lifes, their free time. And I feel like I've just been a brat really." 

"And I'm terrified. I don't want them to hate me, but somehow I just feel like everything is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it, I don't know if I can. I really don't want to let them down and right now that is the opposite of what I've been doing" I wiped a tear. 

"I feel they would be happier if they didn't have to worry about me every day, If they could do whatever they'd want not having to take care of me, their lifes would be easier, dad. I can't do it, I really miss you, and... a-and I just- I just need you, I really do." I continued crying. It was getting hard to breathe, I just couldn't catch my breath. I kept stressing myself even more because of it.  Can't breathe. That's when the panic began. All I could think about was me being alone in the middle of the night not being able to breathe, all I could see was darkness. 

"Hey, hey, Gabs, hey, you're okay, I'm here. Hey, listen to me, I'm here, you're okay" Somebody grabbed my shoulders and hugged me envolving me in their embrace, that's when I smelled Colton's cologne. For once I was glad I was smelling his disgusting cologne. He came back, I thought.

"I- I can't, I can't, I can't breathe, I- I ca-can't" I kept sobbing desperatly trying to catch my breath.

"Hey, hey, breathe, in and out, come on, in and out" He kept me thight in his arms  while stroking my hair. "That's it, come on baby, breathe in, breathe out, I'm here, you're okay, you're fine, come on" He kept repeating. "Focus on my heartbeat, slowly, breath in and out, that's it" I started to calm down after a while, being able to breathe again. "shhh, you're okay, I'm here" Colton said as I was still crying. "I'm here". 

"I'm so-sorry I-" I said, now having hiccups. 

"Shhh, I know baby, I know" He said softly still holding me tight and stroking my hair. I held on to him.