pink

eight

^^^ live footage of me writing this chapter

i gulped, watching his eyes go from me to bea to the gun in my hands as a small smile grew on his face. i glanced at beatrice for a split second, and as i saw the terror on her face i placed my finger on the trigger.

i bought this gun a year ago, for my fourteenth birthday, promising myself i would either use it to kill myself or to kill my dad. and here was my chance. here it was. i could pull the trigger, tell the police it was self defense. i had bea as a witness and dozens of bruises. i could shoot the shell of the man i used to call dad and never look back. he thinks it's a joke, but i could end all of this by pulling the trigger.

and then, as i felt the way beatrice was gripping my arm; i thought of her. i thought of how her brother shot himself, and how the gun in my hands was probably driving her mad. how she would never recover from seeing this, never see me in the same way. and how if my dad was dead, i would get placed with a foster family, no telling how far away. i glanced at beas other hand, and saw she had 911 dialed.

my dad walked towards us in a drug induced daze, and to my horror grabbed beas arm, whipping her towards the window. "billie. put-put it down." he said, and i abided, only thinking of the hold he had on bea, and the pleading look in her watery eyes.

he turned to me, and as i was about to accept defeat and hope bea doesn't watch, i heard a deafening bang, and another one, and i whipped around to see bea holding my gun.

my eyes flipped to my father, who was staring at the two holes in the wall on either side of his face. "leave." she said calmly, almost unnervingly calmly. "or i'll kill you."

i watched, horrified, as he turned and ran. my eyes trace bea, who's sitting stoically, still holding the gun pointed at him, eyes locked. she's stiller than i have ever seen her, and it scares me. "if he comes near you again i'll shoot him, but i didn't want to stain your carpet." she said, and i look at her, surprised something that dark could come out of someone like bea.

i thought it would be me protecting her. after all, i'm hardened and quiet and chronically angry, and beatrice is.... colorful and bubbly and happy, and oozing from the sides with love and pink lace. but, i never missed the bits of her peeking out of the sheer lace. i never missed the secrets she doesn't talk about, the hurt, the defiance. this was the first real glimpse of the callouses hiding behind her lace, and it made my heart twist.

but, bea protected me, i realized. she was the violent one, the one who is probably the reason rose got led out of the cafeteria by a security officer. she was the one with the blood on her face, and on her hands. and yet again, she protected me. she did what i couldn't. i didn't shoot him because i was afraid it would scare her, but as she stood there, completely still, pulling that trigger, there was nothing in her eyes. and it scared me.

i didn't know what to say after that. i didn't know how to move on from it. i was afraid, if i so much as laid a finger on bea, that she would crumble under my touch. i was afraid that there were no words i could speak that would grasp the gravity of what just happened.

somehow, me and bea ended up how we always did, intertwined in each other, tangled in secrets and a soft, gentle love for each other.

she was laying on her side next to me, resting her head on my chest as we watched a movie, and i was playing with her hair. today, it was curled into big loose curls, and she left it down. i liked when she left it down.

suddenly, beas phone started vibrating. i gave her an odd look, as it kept going off. she groaned, picking it up and immediately sitting up, her eyes wide.

"what is it?" i ask, a little annoyed she wasn't in my arms anymore.

"uh, rose just got arrested."

a/n: okay this is short but only bc i didn't know what to put in between the dad thing and the rose thing like what do you do after your girlfriend tries to kill your dad for you? "wanna get chik fil a?" 😭😭😭 i'm so nervous about this one i feel like everyone's gonna hate it BUT enjoy 😁 told y'all rose would get what she had coming