Heir of Dust and Wind

Chapter 30 - Nightmares

Trygve tossed and turned in his bed unable to sleep.

Despite the bone-deep tiredness that filled him, his thoughts repeatedly wandered down the hall, to that second bedroom that Ava now shared with the Fae. Her Consort he reminded himself, all because of him, all because of his inability to find a better solution. Now Ava was even forced to share a room with that creature and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. And although the Fae had sworn not to harm her, Trygve's stomach churned with worry nevertheless. His body was tense and he listened to every sound in the darkness.

When he was sure that Gainor had fallen in his cot right above him, the other males' breathing being the only sound in the room, he had actually gotten up to quietly check on her. But, of course, Gainor had noticed. A whisper-shouted "Don't you dare!" had stopped him right in his tracks. 

At first, he had wanted to argue. A nasty comment about the other males' lack of better judgement had danced at the tip of his tongue as anger and frustration raged through his body. After all, he had spent more times in Frode's dungeons than any other Dracaeni he had known. But heeding the warning of his earlier feelings of regret when he had snapped at Gainor unjustly, made him swallow the words back down. He knew better than to let out his mood on Gainor, who had experienced more cruelty than anyone should ever have to endure and there was no need for him to add to the pile. 

So, ultimately, Trygve had gone back to bed, but sleep still remained out of reach.

"There is no point in making others feel bad when it is you who feels helpless", Duane had once told him, when Trygve had snapped at him for something he couldn't remember now. He had been right of course, as he had always been. More than any other he seemed to get Trygve despite his awkwardness when it came to communicating with others. Duane hadn't needed words to know how he felt.

He sighed - again - and changed his position - again. He could only hope that Gainor really was sound asleep this time and that his restlessness wouldn't bother him.

Trygve had buried his emotions for so long after Duane was gone. Firstly, there had been no one to share them with and secondly, he had always been afraid that they would become a liability again, causing pain to him and others.  Now once he had let them show again it was hard for him to find the proper dosage. On top of that, he was absolutely hopeless regarding communication in sensitive situations making things even more confusing and difficult.

With Ava, it had become easier over time, but he was still getting used to the new dynamic of their group. For him it seemed impossible to predict what outcome his words and his tone would provoke and even when he intended to sound serious and not angry, he sometimes simply didn't seem to be able to express it adequately. Especially with Gainor this tricky. 

Ava, he knew to some extent by now and he distrusted the Fae - he probably always would, but Gainor was ... different. Was he an ally, a friend even? Trygve didn't know.

Although he hated to admit it, Gainor had been right earlier, at least to some extent. While Trygve despised the Fae for what his kind had done during the war, he could see the logic to his fellow Dracaeni's words earlier. Without Raban's cooperation, they'd be in much more trouble now if they'd survived that meeting at all. But logical or not, his line of argumentation hadn't prevented him from worrying about Ava.

Before, he had never cared much for the appreciation of his Alderman. But now, with her, things were different. Over time, he had gotten to know her, started to trust her and started to have faith that things would be different with her. 

Before he had merely counted the days until he could finally move on to the Next Life, but now he felt some renewed sense of curiosity at what life had to offer him now.