TW suicide
POV: Alina
ring.. ring... ring..
i sigh as i roll over and see i'm all alone, in our bed. so i answer my phone.
"Billie?" i question. "hey" Billie replies softly. i hear wind in the background, which makes me furrow my eyebrows. "hey angel.. what's up? where are you."
"outside."
"what do you mean outside?"
"i'm on the rooftop."
"babe."
"..." she doesn't respond. it's silent for a minute so i slip on some shoes.
"hey, Alina.. what if, what if i fell off?" she asks and i hear the wind pick up.
"babe please don't."
silent. again.
"i'm sorry, Alina. you should take shark to Finneas and Claudia, go find a pretty girlfriend, someone who can love you forever."
i feel the tears start falling freely.
"Billie, i already found her, and she's you. you are my forever, you are the only one i can ever love, shark is going to stay and so are you."
i say as i walk up the spare bedroom, the only window you can get to the roof from.
"i'm sorry." she whispers.
"shh, it's gonna be okay." i say as i climb out the open window. i hang up and slowly walk towards her.
"Alina?" she asks. looking over at me, she's sitting on the edge of the roof, almost off. her phone is set down beside her, and her eyes are puffy but there are no more tears in her eyes.
how long has she been up here.
"i love you." she mumbles looking back.
"i love you more babe, so came back inside." i say walking closer to her.
"i can't, i'm sorry." she says.
"Billie please."
"I'm sorry Alina, i can't."
and she jumps.
it's over, it's just that.
the tears stream down my face and i scream.
-
"Billie.." i cry.
it was a nightmare. it wasn't real.
"Babe? what happened?" Billie asks worriedly sitting up. "help.." i reply through tears. "baby what happened??" she asks holding me as i cry. "you- did it.." i whisper and she wipes my tears, moving my hair out of my face.
"baby i didn't do anything- what? i was asleep mamas" she whispers trying to stay calm. "f-fuck" i stutter. "ohh- baby it was just a nightmare. it's okay don't worry. i'm here, i'm right here." she comforts me wiping my tears as they fall from my eyes.
i try to make a sentence but all that comes out is please. "baby it's okay i promise i'm right here, nothing happened my love"
i can't say anything, it's just gibberish. fuck. i didn't mean to wake her up.. i feel bad,, but i can't stop crying, the thought of billie commiting scares me, i love her.. i need her.
but i can't stop crying.
she's right here.
"hey hey it's okay beautiful"
after a few minutes i stop crying. so i apologize, "i'm sorry..."
"for what angel? you didn't do anything wrong." she says, playing my hair to keep me calm.
"i didn't mean to wake you up,, or just do anything. it was so.. random" i explain.
"baby, it's okay it's not your fault, but what happened??" billie questions looking me in the eyes.
"well.. i had a dream and you, uhm, yk.. jumped.." i mumble.
"baby i'm not gonna- no i wouldnt do that to you princess. you know i'm never leaving you." she tells me wrapping her arms around my waist, laying her head on my shoulder. "i'm never going anywhere my love."
"i love you.." i whisper just loud enough for her to hear. "i love you too angel now let's get some rest, okay?" she smiles at me laying down patting the spot on the bed next to her.
"okay." i smile back at her, softly laying down next to her.
after a minute of silence, just me and Billie staring at each other, she whispers, moving a piece of my hair from my eye, behind my ear.
"oh, and just so you know i have to get up at 6:30 to go to a meeting and i'll be back at 2pm, so i'll let you sleep in, okay angel?"
"okay mama" i mumble with my eyes closed. "goodnight beautiful" she whispers placing a kiss to my lips, softly.
