Hard to Love - (chanbaek)

EXTRA: Numbed Heart

ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡⊂ʕ•ᴥ•⊂ʔ

This extra is part of the storyline. It is based on the past when Baekhyun first moved to Los Angeles.

Warning: It's depressing + underage drinking and blood

Enjoy!

ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ♡⊂ʕ•ᴥ•⊂ʔ

Joy.

Represented with laughter and smiles. At times even tears when expressing overwhelming excitement and contentment. Joy was shown through different colors, bright ones that gleamed as sharp as the grins that fell onto multiple faces. Everyone must've felt joy at least once as their cloudy sky cleared up, even if it was only for a few minutes.

It was odd.

Sadness was shown through different shades of blue. Instead of sunny skies, heavy rain fell from the sky, hiding the tears that fell from the irritated eyes. Anger was mainly shown through a bright red. A gloomy atmosphere with rumbling thunder as faces scrunched with rage and reddened in a fury.

But it was still odd.

Almost impossible to process what color represented Baekhyuns current feelings as he slumped onto the floor beside the messy table.

He didn't feel sad nor angry.

He didn't feel anything at all.

Was it perhaps a dark shade of gray?

Could gray represent the numbness spreading throughout his entire body?

How foolish.

Moving to the States was the start of his new life. He was supposed to feel joyous over this change, but he felt nothing. How ungrateful could he be to feel nothing? Not one inch of happiness or sadness roamed his body. It was almost as if his body was limp, motionless, sighing empty thoughts, merely thinking for the sake of staying alive.

But even then, was it all worth it?

Thinking just to stay alive?

Baekhyun laughed. Pity seeped through his pores even though laughing was a form of expressing "joy." Here he was opening a brand new bottle of liquor in an attempt to feel something. He couldn't help but try the toxic liquid, knowing it probably wasn't the best for him considering his age, but- he had to find some way to feel again.

"Drink the pain away."

Numbness could be a sign of pain, right?

He only wanted to try it.

Was it that bad for him to try new things?

He was desperate to wash away this heavy pressure against his entire body. And as he filled the glass, chugged the bitter drink that burned his throat, and refilled the cup before repeating the process, he only felt guilt sink to the bottom of his stomach.

He laughed again, skipping through all the pictures of his friends on his laptop, feeling the guilt expand. It was almost nauseating to think about his friends and look back at the pictures where he once felt this so-called "joy."

Joy.

Joy.

He wished—he craved to experience such a feeling.