Love, Lose, And Repeat

Because, Because, Because

Because his job led him to South Africa, and hers was the town over. Because their empty apartment felt too big when he left. Because his phone card had ten minutes and five went to his father ICU. Because she noticed a week after he left that she was a week and a half late. Because her boss had her up at eight and his had him off at eight. Because plane tickets cost a year of tips for her. Because his job paid 50 dollars a week. Because Danny, at her work, treated her too nice. Because he didn't like Danny. Because he was talking about staying longer, because he liked it there. Because she thought that meant he didn't like it here. Because her mother kept asking about what she wanted for Christmas and they wouldn't be together at Christmas. Because they wouldn't be together in nine months, or ten months, or eleven months. Because she took a pregnancy test. Because he didn't answer her fifteen phone calls. Because she figured it out without him.

Not because they met on a park bench. Not because he always called when he said he would. Not because she answered. Not because when she found out they both made model airplanes, she showed him her whole collection, and he had half of her finished set. Not because their mouths melted together when they kissed. Not because their love making spanned hours and buckets of ecstasy and sweat or because they stayed up too late looking in each others eyes, portals to another world, a familiar world. Not because of the first time he told her everything. Not because she let him in. Not because he had mood swings. Not because she was on anxiety meds and too much pressure, made her sick. Not because they crafted memories together like model airplanes.

Because Cape Town was 7,847 miles away and all they wanted to do was lay down next to each other. Because weeks were long enough for facial features to fade and find others who made model airplanes. Not because he came home holding flowers for her in the airport baggage claim. Not because her tears drowned down her oily cheeks when he had her back in his arms after his four hour layover in Madrid. But because they felt strangers limbs pulling into them. Because their lives started to drift apart when their bodies did.