Love, Lose, And Repeat

Eight Reasons Why It's Okay for Women to Lie

One: We are women. It is in every skin cell, every shade of lipstick we lather over lips and smack together for a flawless coat. It's okay to lie to boys because if we didn't, they wouldn't figure anything out themselves.

Two: We don't like when they eat chips and scratch bare bellies on the couch. We don't like how they heat up the bed with their body. Small things catch our eye--no coaster, nail clippings on bathroom floor, sponges, wet, in the kitchen sink. We see it all and we lie if they ask if it bothers us. We prefer they figure it out themselves and hope it doesn't take too long because we have a lot of punishments and not a lot of patience.

Three: What is it hurt if we wait to tell them how much it costs to cut our hair or how many times we really had our "first" before him. How is it his business anyway?

Four: Because if they knew some of the things we did last weekend with the girls--it might just be considered cheating, and he might just get angry with us over our flirting that they have warned us about before. How about if he knew how he was last night? All the times you were: "right there, baby" were all just lines we learned over the years and we were just hoping it would end so we could watch reality tv before bed.

Five: They forget us on Friday nights with their friends and ignore our calls. They basically force us to leave long voicemails about their "commitment issues." We don't get down, we just use this time to try Alex, our ex, maybe he is free tonight. Tell him we are single.

Six: Little lies get washed away like dirt or sucked up in a vacuum cleaner. It doesn't hurt if we talk about going to bed when we are still at the club dancing with a shot of tequila and don't want to be bothered. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila--floor.

Seven: So we steal a few singles for tolls or for tubes of nail polish from their falling apart wallets. Don't they deserve it after what they put us through? It's okay--just remind yourself, they do bad things too.

Eight: We lie because we have to. We lie because we can. We lie like frat boys binge on beer: filled to capacity with always a cold one on hand.