context: fem!reader x hotch, he supports her during a wave of depression
It felt like the feeling of being underwater, lungs full, body sinking would never end. Every day was like a crashing wave, whenever you struggled to the surface, you were beat back down by another wave of emotion. You were doing a pretty good job of hiding it from everyone, or at least you thought you were. The team was mostly oblivious, though you could tell that Emily and Derek were checking in with you more than usual. What you didn't notice was that your boss, Aaron Hotchner, was seeing your struggle with your emotions so clearly.
Hotch didn't linger around you, if anything he'd pulled even further away, and he wasn't one to overstep boundaries. In fact boundaries were something he clinged to, something that kept him afloat in his own sea of darkness. He saw you putting on a show for the rest of the team up until the moment they all walked out of the bullpen. Once you were sure they were gone he watched everyday like clockwork as your shoulders slouch and your eyes squeeze shut, a shuddering breath leaving you. You would attempt to blink your tears away but more often than not, you would wipe your tears with tissues or need to get up to go to the bathroom to gather yourself.
Today he couldn't watch you walk out of the bullpen at some ungodly hour, knowing that you were going to go home and cry all night in your bed, sleepless. He rolls courses of action in his head, trying to be as objective as possible though he knows that's hard with how strongly he feels for you. He settles on sending you an email asking you to meet after the rest of the team is gone. He knows that you're going to stay late anyway, your mood has caused your mind to fog and you were working at a slower pace than usual.
When the email comes into your inbox you initially raise your eyebrow, face contorted in confusion. That look changes and you're mindful enough to piece your face into a neutral expression as you read it, though anxiety swells in you, flooding your body. Your mind is going a mile a minute as you wonder what he could possibly want to talk to you about but you don't want to raise suspicion with the team so you type back a quick reply and minimize the window, turning to work on some files.
Time flies so quickly that it feels like you were just reading the email, though its only been 6 hours since it hit your inbox. Everyone piles out of the bullpen, heckling you that you're staying late again but you give them your best, reassuring smile as you wave them away. You aren't allowed your usual routine to decompress and stop masking because you have to head directly up to Hotch's office. Taking a deep breath you stand up from your desk, and slowly make your way to his office.
You give a gentle knock on his open door, stepping inside. "You wanted to see me, sir."
"Yes, Y/n, could you take a seat for me, wherever is most comfortable for you." He gestures to all the furniture as he stands to close the door and draw the blinds.
Your anxiety skyrockets, your thoughts racing. Its believable now that he really was going to put you on leave or fire you, why else would he ask for a meeting after hours with such privacy? You try to beat him to the punch, hoping that maybe if you could acknowledge your slack something could be worked out. You loved this job, even if it didn't seem like it.
"Sir, I'm not sure what's going on but if this is about my performance in the last month or so I can explain."
His eyebrows knit together, his head shaking slightly in opposition. "No, this is less about your performance and more about what's causing it."
"What?" You twist your mouth, unsure what he's getting at.
"You're struggling, really struggling, and I can see it clear as day."
