Best Mistake In My Life

The best mistake in my life

I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. I wanted to punch myself so hard.

One moment, just one moment, destroyed me. This feeling was worse than the moment she didn't reply me. This feeling was burning and painful.

I tried to gather myself up and think hard.

"She's done it. She really done it. It's over before I even start. It's so close, so close..."

"My promise... The project, I need to help her... It's over but my promise is not. I have to do it. I have to..."

I spent my entire weekend making her project on my own. I forced my brain to work faster, harder, break the limit, finish the job.

Words after words, chapters after chapters, numbers after numbers... I pushed myself into typing those. I wanted it to be perfect and it will be perfect.

After spending roughly 8 hours of only doing her project, it was done. I still felt the burn in my heart. There was something else I needed to do.

"My feelings... She needs to know... She has to know..."

I spent another one hour writing her a letter. It was 5 pages long but I couldn't just hand her the letter like that. I wanted to play a game with her again. The first time my feeling was so strong with her was because of a simple game of guessing. I sealed the letter with a password and I sent the letter together with her project to her email. I texted her after that.

"Please check your email"

"What? You sent something, sir? Okay, I'll take a look at it."

When she opened the email, she was surprised to see that I had completed the whole project by myself.

"Whoa, I thought we're doing it together but you did it by yourself sir! As I said, I can never relate to your genius brain, sir... and what is this extra file you sent? I can't seem to open it. It's asking for a password?"

"Owh that one, yeah, it's just a game I wanna play. Try to guess the password and you'll be able to see what's inside. But just do it later, it's not important."

"No! I want to do it now. I'm very curious, what the clue sir?" she replied in high spirit.

"Damn, you're one impatient lady. Okay then, the clue is Ryan Reynolds."

"Ryan Reynolds? It doesn't work. Is it his movie? Deadpool?"

"Of course not his whole name, dummy. Yes, it's in his movie especially the 2nd one"

"The clue is in the movie? You want me to watch the whole movie?" 

"Yeah try it first, it's quite obvious once you've watched it til the end" I said to her.

I tried to keep my composure, not to let her know what I felt at that time. After that she said she would watch the movie and I went to sleep directly.

As expected, I still couldn't close my eyes. With the letter on her hands, I was even more anxious than before. I couldn't wait until she finally read the letter.

The next day came and she didn't texted me anything yet. I thought she might have read it and wouldn't reply me anymore. In reality, she actually hadn't figured out the password.

"Sir, can you give me a more specific clue? What scenes? The movie is way too long to rewatch"

"Oh my, okay then. Find the one with Domino's scenes. That will be VERY OBVIOUS already." I replied her.

She replied me with an okay, and for hours I waited for her to tell me her reaction.

"Has she read it? Will she reply me? What if she hates me after reading it?" I kept on asking myself. I was extremely anxious and finally at 8 PM she replied me.

"I was shocked, sir... I am sorry..."

"So, you've figured it out, huh? You really read all the 5 pages?"

"Yes, until the very end. I feel bad for this and I'm truly sorry for everything" 

Inside the letter was my confession. I told her the story of the first time we met, how I felt every time we talked, how I always think about her, her birthday, my birthday, the gifts, everything.

"No, you don't need to be sorry. It is my fault for not listening to myself. I was so into this relationship game that I thought everything will end the way I wanted it to. I was wrong. I have become a leech in your life and I am truly sorry for that. Some may say that I am a coward for not asking you out but I just can't. I am your lecturer, you won't even accept my invitation, right?"

"Yeah, I just can't sir." her reply was painful to hear. She was never going to accept me in the first place and I was just delaying the inevitable.

"I can see that. It's going to be awkward right... If you accept me... I just couldn't keep my mind off you and I don't know why."

"Why should it be me, sir?" she asked.

"That's the problem, I don't know. I just... You're... everything I can think off. I adore you so much for no reason. I've been in this position many times before in my life but none can make my feeling so strong like this. I'm sorry but I just don't know why." I answered her with all my heart.

"If only I can do something to repay you, sir... I just-"

"No, don't. Right now, you have nothing that you can offer me and I have no right to ask anything from you. You know, I always prayed that you'll be happy but not prayed for you to be with me because I don't want to force it. I know these things I've been doing for all this 2 and a half years were wrong. I have no right for you..." that moment was when my tears finally flowed from my eyes. It had to come out or else I didn't know how long I could keep this energy inside me.

"There's one thing I could ask from you" I told her. "Please, don't hate me..."

"I won't. I will never hate you, sir. But I hope there'll be nothing awkward between us from now on." she said.

"Thank you for saying that. I guess this is a goodbye now. Use that project carefully and if you don't understand anything, feel free to ask me again. I will always be here for you. I made a promise and I intend to keep it, whatever it takes"

"Ok, I will sir. Thank you so much for everything you've done."

"Don't worry. Good night and good bye, for now" and that was the last word I said to her. She had finally knew how I felt. For a moment there, I felt my burden was reduced but still I couldn't forget about her. She brought colors to my life, happiness, sorrow, thrill, and many other experiences that I have never thought I would face in this life. 

This journey is painful and tiring and I don't know whether time will heal my heart or not. She's everything to me and will always hold a special place in my heart.

I've made a mistake by letting her into my heart but if I have a chance to return to the time when we first met, I will still open my heart to her as she is the best mistakes I'm willing to make again.

~The End~

Thank you for reading my first story.