Chapter 35

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Blis

                            {November 6, 2021}

My eyes shut close forcefully as another wave of painful contractions hit me once again. My hand latches onto the bars of the bed, making the most tightest fit that I could make while holding my breathe. I felt hot hands run down my bare back and murmurs of talk that I couldn't quiet make out. I kept the picture of the little baby boy who is my cousin in my mind knowing that all this pain my body was going through would all pay off in the end.

Days would come and go as I waited patiently, sitting sometimes in the locking chairs trying to imagine a vivid image behind my closed eyes what birthing my first love would feel like. I could image the pain period because I've experienced those before, I would sometimes try to add an intense pain that I've felt once in my life that seemed to never end, which left me at just pain period because that would be the worst five days of my life.

I breathe out for four seconds and breathe back in for two like the nurse had taught me. I try to remember that but holding my breathe felt best for this.

" You're doing so good Blis." My mother cheers me on. " Turn over baby so I can place this rag onto your head." My mother's soothing voice spoke to me. I tried to move on my own however the pain was intense confidant me to still lay on my right side.

" I-I ca-ant."

" Yes you can baby." Her hand touches onto my arm. I roll my eyes out of discomfort. Hot, her hand felt so damn hot which didn't make my condition any better. " Ma-Mama please." My words slurped together as I try to think of a sentence to tell her.

I open my eyes to the bright lit room. I focused my attention onto the light brown diaper bag for my little baby.

" Blis." She calls my name out. " You need to turn over."

" H-Help me please." I cry out.

" Of course baby." She tells me. The touch of her on my bare skin wanted to run away but I knew I would never make it off this bed, not without help at least. Having gone through this pain years ago with me this sticks with you for life and I guess she knew that I needed a fast transformation.

" There you go." I heard the heaviness in her voice.

" Oh my god!" My voice screeches with Gionni comes to my right side. He takes hold of my hand, his hand had too felt hot. " Why is everybody feel hot ? This room is literally cool." I weakly gesture up to the thermostat that was on the near wall straight across from me. Gionni chuckles. " What ?" His hand rests onto my forehead. " You feeling ok ?"

" Yes." I roughly take his head from my forehead. My head turns to angle a glance at my mother. " How in the world did you do this ? This pain, the placement of it." My bottom lip trembles.

" Shush. It's ok. I know." She takes a hold of my hand, with her other placing the cold rag onto my head. I close my eyes in sweet relief knowing that this would only last for just a while, I might as well soak it up while I still can.

The quietness fills me with thoughts of terror. Apart from daydreaming of labor and delivery I also thought about my fears of being a first time mother. I made sure to ask as many questions as I could when it came to being a mother, they would always tell me that their wasn't anything easy about being a mother, that there wasn't a book, lesson, song about being a good mother. I would sometimes sink to the floor hearing those words pour out of women's mouths because I wanted to know what exactly to do when having a newborn baby.

I stuck by things that were factual; meaning straight out of a text book with at least three main sources of great evidence that follows behind it.

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