MEMORIES OF CHILD

Memory 3

As far as I know living was the only thing that we didn’t learn about at school, every day we woke up we do what we need to, eat, work, study, shop, clean…but until when.

I still remember the day when I woke up and the emptiness filled my world, everyday was the same thing, I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t try to fill that emptiness but every time I get back to my starting point. It was a closed circle that leads to the same point.

 I gave up on myself that day

The day I realized that ending my life literally will only cause others more burned to their shoulders

I gave on myself that day

And I ended my life on the inside

I gave up on myself that day

Once they turned their faces and talked behind my back

I gave up on myself that day

Once they made me realize I’m bad

I gave on myself that day

Once they let the dishonesty shows on their faces and their words

I gave up on myself that day

The day I started to lose my colors

I gave up on myself that day

When I was pushed away

I gave on myself that day

When they failed the test I gave them to see if they really care

I gave up on myself that day

Once the rain hit the land showing me that the sky is there

I gave up on myself that day

Once that new born baby smile at me as if everything would be okay

I gave up on myself that

When I stopped enjoying my life as I used to be

I gave up on myself that day

Once the past’s smell turned back and it tear me in to pieces of black smoke  

I gave p on myself that day

The day I found out that i belong to no where

I gave up on myself that day

Once I started writing these words and my heart beats normally as if I don’t care

I gave up on myself that day

When I stopped looking for hope

I gave up on myself day

Once these words: crazy stupid nothing empty …started to pass by ears as if it was nothing when they were something one day

I gave up on myself that day

 When I sat down in the dark and it become my hiding place

I gave up on myself that day

Once I closed the door to relax but I ended up cutting my connection with the scary world

I gave up on myself that day

When they showed only when they seek for my help

I gave up on myself that day

Once they never tried to ask the questions that my heart longed to hear

I gave up on myself that day

When they were lying to run away from the ‘me’ that they threw away

I gave up on myself that day

Once they came back because I looked pitiful for them

I gave up on myself that day

Once I stopped enjoying my chocolate like the past

I gave up on myself that day

Once pain hit my heart but tears won’t come out to comfort me

I gave up on myself that day

Once balled songs become like drinking orange juice but never felt the sweetness in my tongue

I gave up on myself that day

When they talk about future and don’t want to even live my present

I gave up on myself

Once I started to ask question but they called me CRAZY

I gave up on myself

When I tried to stay with you to run away from my loneliness thoughts but you weren’t there

I gave up on myself

I gave up on myself … but it kills me how I still breathe and eat and walk but there are other people that need that and I …don’t

I gave up on myself

Once fairytales stories become a black picture in my head  

I gave up on myself

When I’m surrounded with happy faces people but I just can’t be happy as them

I gave up on myself that day

When I lost the definition of happiness, hope and life but couldn’t find them no matter here I look for them.

I gave up on myself that

When empty was the matched word for me

I gave up on myself that day

When I’m going to put a dot after finishing my words

And I go back to my memories…with a black face looking and wondering

At the end… where the answer of my question

Did you get what I want to say?

Hello and goodbye

0+0 cannot be one

Soul and body is not a human being

Do you hear me? Do you get me?

I gave up on myself…I gave up on my… life