Cuffs and Kisses

Chapter 40 - Snow Day

Heather

"So, tell me more about the recurring dream." Dr. Perry prompts. I have been seeing her for the month since I've been back from California. The first therapy session blurred into the next one over the past month. And now this is the last session before Christmas comes on Friday.

I take a deep breath, focusing on the strategies she has taught me to calm my anxiety. "They're about the rape."

"Can you explain further what happens in them? How do they start?"

"They start off with Ryder in my bedroom. He's arguing with me about something and the next thing I know, I have been shoved down on the bed. But in the dream, I'm seeing everything from overhead."

"Is it the exact version of your waking memory?"

"Yes. It's like I relive it every night."

"Are there any nights that you haven't had the nightmare?" Dr. Perry crosses her legs and sits back, getting comfortable in her chair.

"Yes, but it's few and far between. Normally it's nights that I have had a lot of exercise. My boyfriend is helping me learn self-defense."

"That's great that he's helping you do that. And continue doing that exercise, because it seems to be working to relieve the stress from the incident. Taking away from today's session, keep exercising, taking deep breaths in stressful situations, and writing in your journal."

"Sounds good," I reply, surprised that the session flew by so quickly.

But as I walk out of the therapist's office, I am intent to get to Kayne's as fast as possible so that he can resume my self-defense training. Especially if it gives me a glimmer of hope that I can move another step further away from Ryder and "the incident" as Dr. Perry calls it by not having the recurring nightmare.

The past month have been a blur of new self-defense moves, therapy, and movie and Netflix show binges with Kayne. Somehow I have gotten my homework done in between all that. But, Kayne is always dependable to cheer me up in any way he can.

Yet, when I get to Kayne's house, he's nowhere to be seen. But, Alice is. She's sitting on the porch with a pot of hot tea. On her tray is a second cup flipped over and waiting for another person. She must have been expecting me to get back before Kayne did.

"Come on up, dearie, and have a cup of tea," Alice's grandmotherly voice soothes. I take the seat beside her and she pours a cup of what smells like Earl Grey tea. "How are you doing today, dear?"

"I'm fine. How are you?" Despite the fact that "fine" in womanspeak doesn't mean "fine," Alice doesn't push further.

"I talked to my college roommate today for over an hour. She has so many grandchildren and she goes down the list and tells me about each one. Takes absolutely forever."

"Oh, well, it's good that you got to talk though."

"She's the one person who has really been through everything with me, and amazingly, we haven't seen each other in 20 years. She had plans to visit me after my husband died, but those plans keep getting delayed. Still, we're thick as thieves."

"That sounds like a great friendship for the ages."

"Yes, it is." Alice looks off into the distance as Kayne pulls into the driveway. "Who is your best friend?"

"Mac. She's in California. I saw her last month when I took my trip."

"What makes her a good friend?"

"She's funny, loyal, and trustworthy. She can read me like a book, so I could never lie to her."

"That really is a good friend right there. You're very blessed." This conversation about Mac really reminds me of how good of a friend she is and how Ali couldn't possibly match up. In fact, it makes me feel as if the loss of Ali as a friend doesn't hold much meaning to me as initially thought.