Heather and Raven

You Already Look Like Shit

Raven eventually goes home, still unsure about what to do, but less upset. He texts me around seven that night, thanking me for letting him stay the night, as well as letting me know he's feeling like absolute shit from walking to my place in the rain. I text back to tell him to get his dumb ass into bed, along with a picture of Crow the killer whale holding a letter opener to threaten him.

Raven: I'm absolutely terrified.

Heather: You're laughing, but he's already waiting under your bed with a chainsaw.

Raven: Then I probably shouldn't get in bed...

Heather: Raven, I swear to God.

Raven: Kidding, kidding. I'm already under the covers.

Heather: If I hadn't heard you hacking up a lung this morning, I would've called you pathetic for being in bed at seven.

Heather: Actually, I'm still gonna call you pathetic.

Heather: Raven, you're pathetic.

Raven: Love you too.

My stupid traitor of a heart jolts when those three words appear on my screen. It's so dumb because I know he's messing around, but I'm taken aback by how much I want him to mean those words. And then I think about Justin, about my best friend saying these words to me. My heart doesn't skip a beat this time. I don't know what I'm supposed to think, let alone what I should do. So I just don't text back.

Great decision, don't you think?

Yeah, I know. But it's not like it's the first dumb thing I've done this summer. Honestly, I should've seen this coming. But then I remember there's one person who I can talk to about the mess I made.

Kate picks up after the second ring. "Hi?"

I hear her stumbling around, probably trying to reach whatever thing was blasting Don Henley. I wait until I heard her music quiet down before saying: "Kate, it's me. I fucked up."

I hear her huff, followed by the rustling of fabric when she –presumably– flops down on her bed. "What else is new."

"No, seriously, Kate, I- I think I'm in love with Raven?"

There's a loud thump that follows my words, and a string of curses that make me suspect Kate just fell off her bed.

"Come again?" she asks then, sounding a little breathless.

"I think I've fallen in love with Raven."

"Shit. Okay, yeah, that's... Shit."

I roll my eyes. And Kate can't see me right now, but I'm sure she knows I'm doing it. "Thank you, Katherine, for that outstanding advice."

"Okay," she says again. "But, like, why don't you just tell him?"

"Because you know how he is!" I drop my face into my pillows, only to raise it again so I can say: "You show the first hint of feelings, and he bolts."

"That's not true," Kate chides. "I mean, sure, he's a little... Emotionally constipated. But he wouldn't run. Not from you."

Oh, the irony.

"I know that," I sigh. "But he doesn't feel the same way, and I refuse to look like the dumbass who managed to catch feels because of some stupid fake-dating thing."

"But how do you know he doesn't like you?" she presses.

Maybe calling Kate wasn't the best idea. "I just do."