Behind The Mischief

chapter 13

<T.W> <S.H> if you feel triggered or need someone to talk to please dm me, id be happy to talk and help!

things have been going great lately, its almost going to be a month and there has been no weird drama or anything like that except the team's constant bantering with each other at times. it did amuse Loki at times though due to their behavior

Loki spent most of his time in the labs with tony, there were triggers and breakdowns but not as bad as before, he could keep down much more food and has survived without puking his guts out

he was healing, the process was slow but he was getting better. today though...was no different. today was one of those breakdowns where he would hide away for as long as he could so that no one could see him, especially from tony

he doesn't want to do this but sometimes things just don't go as planned, and for him? nothing goes as planned, he tried stopping, he tried, he really...tired. but he just couldn't he needed to feel something, the constant thoughts, and reminders of how he is useless constantly clouds his mind, and somedays it just get too much

he slipped past everyone through the halls, he had breakfast with the team like how he normally did and didn't show any signs of discomfort because of the assassin spies in the room. holding tony's hand underneath the table squeezing from time to time for some comfort to which tony would return

<T.W>

soon he left, saying he needed to finish reading a book he had found, giving tony one last loving look receiving one in return, and left. tony left to his lab oblivious to the pain in his lover's eyes he failed to see

he entered his room and forgot to lock the door. he headed to the bathroom and sat himself down on the tiles of the floor after grabbing one of his blades from his hidden places, he managed to find one in tony's lab and silently slipped it into his sleeves, he didn't want to use his magic for this since it was still weak..

he pulled back the sleeve of his right arm and placed the blade onto an unscared skin, fuck his skin was littered with wounds. most of them from recent cutting, he dragged it across his skin and watched as blood started oozing out of it

upon feeling the familiar stinging pain he closed his eyes, focusing solely on the cut that he created. his mind felt at ease, it all felt fuzzy as he created another wound. it felt wonderful for him, it felt addicting like alcohol or drug. he did a few more, a few on his thigh and upper arm, somewhere no one would notice or would be able to see

once he was satisfied with the pain and cuts, he went over to the medical kit at the corner of the bathroom, he cleaned and wiped his wounds, wrapping them up. he knew he made a mistake by cutting these too deep, but he was far too lost in the pain to care, all of this just makes him feel fuzzy and calm

he pulled his sleeves back down and walked out to the kitchen for something to drink, he has taken upon a liking towards the coffee tony drinks

he walked up to the coffee matching and politely asked Friday to make him a cup of coffee, after watching tony do it a couple of times, and Friday did as told sensing the tiredness in his voice. just then steve, rhodey, and bruce came in. the maximoff's avoided Loki at all cost after what happened, even if they did stumble into him they'd just give a small nod before running away

they were guilty of what they did but also were terrified of tony's wrath, seeing the protectiveness he has towards Loki

"Hey Loki, how are you?" steve asked with a polite smile "Im fine captain" he replied, giving him the best smile he could before sipping his coffee

rhodey chuckled "didn't know you liked coffee too, let me guess. tony showed you?"

Loki nodded, his ear turning red in embarrassment, bruce frowned seeing how pale Loki was cause he knew he wasn't that pale earlier

"Are you sure your ok loki? you...you look kind of pale" bruce asked after a moment letting him finish his coffee, his eyes widened slightly. 

'do I look that pale? oh no'

"oh-uhm yes...doctor banner, i-im fine" his answer was filled with nervousness and the three of them picked it up

"Loki you can tell us, we can help you if you need medical attention--" "no! no uhm, that won't be necessary I'm fine" he rushed out, he needed to get out of this place with how dizzy he was feeling already

he gripped the table to help him stand steadily, he needed to leave. now!

what would they think if they saw his scars? what would they say when they saw how weak he is? he was sure tony would leave him if he sees what he's done. oh no, this is bad, he needed tony. he needed his comfort, he can't lose tony, he's tired of losing to everything..

without even realizing he was on the ground with all three of them surrounding him with what looked to be worried gazes "--ki? oki!? loki? Loki! look at me! what do feel now" bruce gently asked him after gaining his attention, who looked like he was about to pass out. he's terribly pale

"....d-dizzy...tired.." "ok. good. it's ok, your safe. ok? don't sleep Loki. don't close your eyes! stay awake! shit! Loki!" that's all he knew before darkness consumed him

"shit, shit, shit he passed out! steve! carry him to the med bay and someone get tony!"

"I've already informed sir of the situation doctor banner" "thanks Friday!" he yelled out as they rushed Loki to the med bay

"Why did he pass out like that?!" rhodey asked as he followed the two rushing to the infirmary 

"I don't know. lay him here. ill see what's wrong" steve gently laid him onto the bed when he saw something on him "u-uhm..bruce?" his voice above a whisper but bruce heard

"what steve?! I don't know wha-- oh my god" steve's clothes were covered in red, when he lifted Loki, he carried him with his injured arm towards him. and with the cuts already bleeding it seeped through his poorly wrapped bandage, clothes, and onto steve's

"What happened?!" everyone froze, Tony stood at the doorway, mouth hung open and eyes fixed onto steves shirt, wide and terrified, then drifted to Loki on the bed "tony.." but he ignored it

"what. happened?" he demanded as he walked towards Loki, he took his arm in his hands and lifted his sleeves only to have his hands covered in blood and to see a heavily bleeding arm of Loki's

"w-wha--w...why did he--" "come on tony" rhodey gently guided his friend out of the room, and due to his shock it was a little easier, and bruce immediately started working

he started to slowly remove his poorly wrapped bandage, it was soaked with his blood that bruce had to throw it and wash his hands before cleaning the cuts

it was a little hard cause the cuts won't stop bleeding so he started stitching them, after that, he rewrapped his arm with a new bandage and connected him to an iv drip and heart monitor, and left with the light on dimly to look for tony

soon after tony came back in and kissed loki's forehead and sat down next to him holding his hand, it was more of a comfort for him. knowing that Loki was still alive with him..

I just did a tiny bit of changes and am working on the next chapter. im just feeling a little down lately so lost a bit of motivation to write but ill update tomorrow

hope it was good ~'ll do a double check when I'm completing it and maybe add more to the story