it's always been you (a jottie story)

Chapter 3: The Library

Lottie's POV:

The weekend couldn't have come around quick enough. These past couple of days have just dragged on and on, and I've been avoiding both Ellie and Jamie. I think we've all got these overwhelming nerves for this weekend, so there's only been talk when necessary.

However, this morning I was on my way to breakfast alone as Ellie was still asleep when I rounded the corner of the Ivy Girls wing, and ran straight into Jamie. I fell backwards on my back, and dropped my books on the floor, and let out a little squeal. "What, Lottie?! Get up now." He looked down at me with one of the coldest yet flustered stares I've ever seen. I quickly looked away so he couldn't see the sheen of tears in my eyes, threatening to spill over. His face suddenly softened, and he looked down at me again. "Lottie," he spoke softly, "Here, I'm sorry." He reached out his hand, which I willingly took, and stood back up. He picked up my books, and put them back in my hands, our fingers brushing together, letting off a spark. I gasped internally, he must've felt it too, his eyes widening for a split second.

I suddenly felt so afraid but so brave at the same time, "Jamie... I-" I stuttered over my words, hanging my head. He looked straight at me with a burning intensity in his eyes. "What? Use your words Lottie." He pushed urgently, staring into my eyes, as if he was waiting for something. "I- I'll see you at breakfast," I whispered as I pulled away from his gaze and ran past him, out of the Ivy dorms towards the library instead.

"LOTTIE!! Why would you do that?" a voice groaned at me inside my head, surprisingly sounding like Anastacia. "He was waiting for something from you," the voice in my head told me again, "He was going to let you in again." I shook my head, free of those thoughts and ran into the library, sitting in an empty booth. I lay my head on the table, and tried to make sense of what I was going to say to Jamie. Why did I have to act so, so nervous around him? What's gotten into me lately? I've never been like this around him before... my thoughts trailed off as I felt a shadowed figure standing above me.

"Lottie? Oh mon Dieu! What are you doing?" A thick french accented girl's voice whisper-screamed, sounding a lot like the one in my head minutes ago. I looked up from the table, and was face to face with Anastacia. She was dressed in her fencing gear, she must've been training early, trying to get a one up on Ellie. "Hey Ani," I said tiredly, and put my head back on the table. She looked at me with concern etched over her face, and sat down opposite me. "Lottie, what's up? You seem tired, what's going on?" She asked, her voice filling with worry. I sat up and stared at her for a while, kicking myself for worrying her. She had so much on her own plate at the moment. "I don't know," I finally spoke, "I'm just, confused about my feelings and, I just don't know what's going on with me or anyone right now. It all seems kind of odd." It felt good to get it all off my chest. I hadn't really talked to anyone in a while, especially as Ellie, Jamie and I weren't talking like usual.

Anastacia nodded, like she knew all along. I wouldn't be surprised if she did. Ellie usually let her emotions out when fencing, and taking it out on Anastacia. She rummaged around in her handbag, and pulled out a compact mirror, and started looking at her red-matte lips. "So you're worrying about Jamie," she stated matter-of-factly, not looking away from her mirror. "I— what?" I stared at her, perplexed, trying to comprehend what she just said, and how she knew. She shut her mirror, and looked at me directly in the eyes, "Oh please Lottie, just because you're completely in denial it doesn't mean I can't see how you feel for Jamie."

My eyes widened, "Anastacia I- What?" She rolled her eyes at me, "Lottie. You forget how similar our positions are right now. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean I can't see how you and Jamie clearly have something going on between you," She gave me a knowing look, got a magazine out from her bag, placing it on the table, and started flipping through it. How did she know? I mean yes, Anastacia is with Saskia, but how exactly are we similar? "But Ani I- I don't get how you think we're similar, we have totally different situations! I'm a Portman, and he's a Partizan and it could never work-" my voice trailed off as Anastacia's eyes widened, "HA! So you do have something going on, I knew it," She started. "Anastacia, no that's not what I meant-" She frowned at me, "Mon Dieu, it is most definitely what you meant. I've seen the way you look at him when you think he isn't watching. He's a Partizan, nothing gets by him! And the way he looks at you when you aren't looking," Anastacia holds her hand up at me, signalling to me to let her finish, "You don't see the way he looks at you Lottie. Like he wants to protect you. He wants to keep you safe and happy and healthy. Not because he has to, like with Ellie, but because he wants to." I stared at her for a moment, then finally found my voice, "No Anastacia. He doesn't. He does it because he has to. Please don't give me false hope." Tears started to form in my eyes, and this time I didn't try to cover them up.

Anastacia's face softened, then she reached out her hands across the table and grabbed mine, squeezing them lightly. "Lottie. Believe me, he cares so much more than you think. Jamie and Saskia are so alike sometimes, I know. And it leaves both of us confused. But I can promise you, Jamie needs you just as much as you need him." She squeezed my hands tighter, "Sometimes all someone needs is to feel loved," She whispered to me. We sat in silence for a moment, clasping hands, until Anastacia stood up, and put her magazine back in her handbag. "I'll see you at breakfast, and remember, all someone needs is to feel loved. I think we're all a little lost after our summer at Takeskin." She raised her eyebrows at me knowingly, and then turned on her heels and walked away.

"Anastacia!" I spoke unexpectedly. She turned around, and looked at me straight in the eyes. "Thank you," I whispered. She smiled warmly and nodded, then walked away towards the Conch dorms.