Monachopsis

Chapter 18: Relief

"Emily, please answer the phone. Your mother didn't me-"

Next.

"How dare you bring that bitch into my home, Emi-"

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, rolling my eyes. It's amusing to see the many unanswered texts and phone calls from my parents. Maybe I am being slightly petty by letting them sit with silence. Why should I so quickly try to fix things between us? Riley was right to say what she did. She even said something out loud that I wouldn't admit myself.

My dad is also a part of the problem.

I'm glad Riley embarrassed my parents. As much as he can pretend to be a savor of my mom's ways, he has never stood up for me or even made it clear out loud that she shouldn't mistreat me. He watches from the sidelines and sympathizes with me without doing anything to change the situation. I'm sure their wrath of anger at the moment is the worthy price to pay for the encouragement I feel to know what's best for me.

Riley's gift to me was the unmistakable feeling of being loved. She put up every boundary with them that I wish I had. Riley gave me every opportunity to leave and was ready to bail whenever things went downhill. She constantly is a shining beacon of safety, but I feel guilty.

Why should I put Riley through the hassle of dealing with my parents? Or me? I don't want her to underestimate how difficult I can be to manage. The last few months have been mostly smooth sailing for us. Disregarding the mishap with her friend, we've been great. What if that doesn't last forever? My brain is running on a high of happiness. Every feeling is so new to me.

I can't promise her that I won't spiral. It's easier to be miserable and insecure when I'm alone. I don't feel the guilt of burdening another person with trying to endure it all. Riley seems so well put together, walking through life with her head held high. When she's around, my world is brighter, but am I using her for my benefit?

I stare at myself in the mirror, rethinking all the ways my mom has described me.

Mostly a burden.

It's hard to look at myself sometimes and not believe the things she says. Romantic relationships have always been a luxury I'm unworthy of having. I have been a secret to many and an embarrassment to others. Why should I doubt that I am one to Riley? If not right now, eventually? My mom could be seeing a side of me that I am unaware of and harshly warning me of my downfall.

"Emily?" Riley knocks lightly on the bathroom door. To her surprise, I open the door, and she laughs, "I just wanted to tell you I have everything ready."

Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. My face pressed against her chest, I mumble, "Thank you."

Riley chuckles, confused and unaware of the real reason I'm thanking her. I stay quiet as I hug her, holding back my tears to keep from worrying her. Riley kisses the top of my head and whispers, "Is everything okay?"

I nod.

"Are you sure?" I smile, feeling Riley's arms tighten around my waist. I pull my face back just enough to stare up at her. She caresses my face, "Why don't you come to the bedroom. I have a surprise for you."

"Surprise?" I ask, confused. As far as I know, our Christmas plan at her apartment was to eat her grandma's cookies and fall asleep watching movies. "We said no gifts!"

"You said no gifts," laughing, Riley grabs my hand and leads me back to the bedroom, ushering me to sit down. I listen and quickly get comfortable while watching her. She smiles at me for a moment, making me nervous before she steps forward, "Close your eyes. No peaking."

I close them and listen to Riley open a dresser drawer. She rummages around for a minute before I feel the bed shift beside me. She stays quiet for longer than I'd like, driving me crazy. I laugh, "Can I open my eyes yet?"

Riley grabs my hand and places a small box in my palm. I open my eyes to see a small pale pink box with a white ribbon tied around it. I glance up at Riley to see her smiling, but there is a hint of nervousness behind her eyes as she waits for me to open it. I lift the top of the small box to reveal a gold necklace with a ruby heart pendant surrounded by white diamonds.

"Riley...." I'm at a loss for words as I stare at the beautiful necklace. I pull it out of the box, looking at it closer in my hands. With the emotional rollercoaster of the day, my eyes well up in tears. I sniffle while tears fall, "I love it."

"Baby, why are you crying?" There's a mild amusement in her words mixed with concern as Riley cups my face in her hands, using her thumb to wipe away my tears.

I stare back at the loving woman in front of me. She's unaware of how much she's been stealing my heart over the last couple of months. It is such a short time to feel so overwhelmed by someone's presence in my life, but I cherish it. I'm terrified of these feelings I have for her, and, frankly, I find it hard to believe that this is all real. Any moment I will awaken from my slumber, and this will be nothing more than a fairytale in my dreams.

Admiring the necklace again, I drag my finger along the back of the pendant and feel an indentation. I flip it over to see an engraved "R" with a small heart next to it. As if my heart couldn't melt anymore, I smile up at Riley.

"Is it a little lame to do that?" She laughs, looking down at the engraving.

I shake my head, "I love it, Riley."

Smiling, Riley takes the necklace out of my palm and leans close to clasp it around my neck. She sits back and admires it laying against my chest, "I wanted to give that to you this morning, but I figured that it was better to wait until now."

I lean forward onto my knees and kiss Riley, feeling her smile against my lips. I pull back and look at her dark eyes staring up at me. One of the few times she isn't hovering over me. I run my fingers through her short hair, brushing the stray strands off of her face. I trace my fingers along the side of her cheek and smile, "Thank you for the necklace. I love it so much."

Riley wraps her arm around my waist and pulls my body close to hers. She smiles up at me, "I love you."

I stay quiet for just a moment, smiling back at her. The genuine smile on her face as she said those three words was enough to make me fall for her even more. As much as my insecurities want me to think that she's lying to me, I believe her wholeheartedly.

"I love you, Riley."

***********************
Hello. I definitely missed writing. I had a busy couple weeks on top of dealing with two losses. 

Unfortunately, along with losing my grandpa early this month, I also lost my dog yesterday morning. My family has been grieving quite a bit.

I'm gonna try to get back to more frequent posting. I'm so sorry for the delays.

I do hope you enjoy, even though this chapter is quite short.