Poems and Vents

Coping

Silver, Nicotine, Weed and Alcohol

What do these have in common?

Well alone nothing

But together there how I cope

I drag the silver along my thigh and watch the blood drip down

Oh how I wish nicotine could get me high

I wish it could get me high like the weed I smoke from a homemade bong until my throat feels like it's begun to die

And I drink til I feel like I am going to die.

All because I'm waiting to say my last goodbye

At first i used hair dye and makeup to cope

but like everything it has a price

Hair dye damages hair

Makeup gives you acne

Alcohol kills your liver

Nicotine kills your lungs

A blade leaves permanent marks everybody can see

etc, etc, etc

But food

Food is a tricky one

Food makes some gain weight but doesn't change others at all

While lack of food makes some people's weight plummet but then again sometimes it doesn't

I want to die because life has just become surviving

Your either in pain or numbing

To help life move along people cope

this is how my coping started and kept going

Eat, drink, sleep repeat

Eat, drink, sleep repeat

Eat, drink, sleep repeat

Until I stopped eating

Until the water i drank turned into alcohol and Monster

Until i didn't sleep at all or I slept all day

Until i stopped complaining about how hot it was and wore pants every day

Until i stopped volunteering my answers in class and just sat in the back

Until instead of running inside when it rains i lay down and let it hit me

Until asking my mom if i could dye the ends of my hair became dyeing my whole head and then more

Until not even wanting a trime turned into cutting 8 inches off myself then another 3 a week later

Until making Pinterest boards of tattoo ideas for when i get older became giving my self stick and pokes with the ink my parents don't know i ordered

Until just a sip of my moms drink became drinking whole bottles

Until waking up was the worst part of my day

Until seemingly innocent things became more not so innocent things

According to the dictionary the word coping means to deal effectively with something difficult

But the word coping means many different things to many different people

At the moment coping to me means

Silver, Nicotine, Weed and Alcohol

My question is, what does coping mean to you?