West Coast Winter

The Lights And Buzz

I was missing Jaclyn all while I prepared for opening night the past weekend. Our show opens this coming Saturday. I finally got a chance to breathe and decided to call her to see how she was doing. I really just wanted to hear her voice and talk with her. I hoped she wasn't busy, so I could take her to lunch before Nina got out of school. That soft kiss we shared stayed on my mind every night. I saw her one morning on my way to work. She was walking Nina to school. I made a note that I would offer to make arrangements to take Nina to school in the morning if she needed me to.

I called her one Wednesday morning. The phone rang a couple times and she picked up, sounding a little groggy.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jaclyn. It's Charlie. I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?", I asked a little unsure.
"Sort of. I'm at infusion therapy and I dozed off. The Benadryl kicked in. What's up?", she asked sounding much more alert.
"I was just wondering how you were doing? I've been really busy with the play and... I... miss you."
She was quiet on the other end for a moment.
"Hello? Are you still there?", I asked and for a moment I wondered if she fell back to sleep.
"I'm still here. I had to straighten my arm for the blood pressure cuff. I can put you on speaker phone. Hang on a second", she answers and there's a muffled shuffling sound. I can hear what sounds like a machine beeping in the background.
"Ok. Go ahead. You miss me. Go on...", she says softly and I swear I can hear her smile through the phone.
"Are you allowed to have visitors?", I ask hopefully.
"Yes. I can have one visitor", she replies.
"Where are you? The Westwood campus again?", I dig for more information on her location.
"Yeah. I'm in the infusion and chemo therapy center. It's near oncology. Why do you ask?", she says with a smile in her voice.
"No reason. Just curious. How are you feeling?"
"Better, now that I know you miss me", she giggles softly. Flirtatious little minx. "Seriously though, I'm kind of tired and my mouth was feeling kind of weak this morning. I'm just getting back on track. How are you?", she asks me and she genuinely sounds like she's waiting for more than just a 'fine' from me.
"Better now that I'm talking to you. Is the medicine helping you?", I ask, but I can hear the slurring in her voice and I'm wondering if maybe I shouldn't show up and surprise her.
"It's hit and miss. I'll be able to judge tomorrow when it's in my system. Um... Charlie?"
"Yes?"
"This medication makes me have to... um... void my bladder a lot, so... can I call you back in a bit?", she asks in a weak voice. I just want to hold her again.
"Of course. I'll be here. Talk to you in a bit", I say before I hear our call disconnect.
I'm already walking off the elevator and up to the check in desk to ask where Jaclyn is getting her therapy. I tell them I'm her husband. I had stopped at the gift shop in the main building and bought her some roses. I'm directed to the infusion center.

**************************************************
I finish using the restroom and I walk back to my infusion room rolling my immunoglobulin drip in front of me. It's a real pain in the ass getting it over the threshold of the bathroom. I dressed in a wine colored t shirt and blue jeans with my converse. I opted to leave my shoes off after I weighed in, so that I would be comfortable. As I sit back into my reclining chair, my nurse Brittney walks in and asks me if I was expecting a visitor. I ask, "Who's here?
"A really tall and broad man named Charlie is asking if he can come back here and visit you. Girl, you didn't tell me you have a boyfriend!", Brittney beams.
"He's not my boyfriend...", I smile at Brittney. "Yet. Send him in."
"Oooooh! This is so exciting!", she exclaims as she makes her way down the hall to retrieve Charlie.
I'm suddenly so nervous and fidgety.
Charlie enters the room and my breath catches in my throat. I calm myself and smile at him. "Hi"
He smiles at me and says, "Hello, beautiful."
He's wearing a light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black pants. He must have just come from work. He's carrying a dozen red roses.
I lower my reclined chair to sit upright.
"No, no. Recline. Relax", Charlie says as he walks over to me. I look up at him as he leans over me. I breathe in his scent. He kisses my cheek and says softly, "These are for you."
"Thank you, Charlie", I smile brightly at him as I accept the roses. "I love red roses in December. It reminds me of my Nana."
Charlie takes a seat in the blue school chair after he moves it closer to my chair. "Your grandmother?", he asks following up on my previous sentiment.
"Yeah. My mom's mom. She passed away on December 17th. I was nine. There was no Christmas that year. My mom was devastated. She hated Christmas until Nina was born. Everything changed when Nina was born. Um... when Nana passed away, we planted a rose bush in the backyard for her right next to my aunt Susie's. My Nana loved Elvis. We played the Elvis Christmas album every year and when she died, it was hard to listen to it for a few years. One song in particular was played at her funeral. "Mama Liked The Roses" by Elvis Presley", I concluded.
"I'm so sorry. God.", Charlie says staring at the roses in my lap.
"Wow. I really brought down the whole romantic vibe you were going for, huh?", I huffed a small laugh. Charlie just tilted his head and said, "No. Well, yeah, a little, but that's your connection to roses and I'm glad that I'm getting to know you better. I take it roses aren't your favorite flower though?", Charlie asks with knowing eyes.
A smile lifts on corner of my mouth and I say, "Daffodils."
"Ah. Why daffodils?", he smiles.
"They look like God's teacups sitting atop saucers. I love teacups", I answer with a lift of my shoulder.
"Noted", Charlie smiles while leaning over and resting his elbows on his knees. He looks up at the bag of medicine hanging and dripping into my IV. His eyes roam over the tube leading to the needle in my arm covered with tape.
"Hey! Eyes up here", I smile flirtatiously at him while pointing two fingers at my eyes. He laughs.
"Sorry. It's just...", Charlie can't quite form a sentence.
"I'm ok, Charlie. It's just medicine. I'm not in pain. I don't have cancer... yet", I smirk.
"Don't say that", he pleads.
"Sorry. I have kind of a dark sense of humor sometimes", I apologize.
"It's not funny. You're too luminous to think such dark and ugly thoughts", Charlie's soft eyes have connected with mine again and if they check my blood pressure right now, I'm sure it will be quite elevated.
"Well, it's a dark and ugly world, Charlie. I'm just getting ahead of it. You have to have a sense of humor to get through life. I laugh about the sad stuff, the pain, and the ugliness because then it has no power over me. Why did you and Nicole get divorced?", I decide I'm not going to hold back.
"Wow. We're just getting right into it, huh?", Charlie blows out his breath and runs his hand through his hair.
"I think we should get all the hard questions out of the way now. Later, we can discuss favorite colors and how we like our coffee", I smile softly at him.
"Well, we... Nicole and I... wanted different things. She wanted to be a mainstream actress out here in California and I wanted my life in New York directing on Broadway. She said I was unwilling to budge or that I didn't listen to her. I felt like she didn't see me anymore. All she could see was what she wanted and ...
We both wanted our own way. That's the gist of it", Charlie concluded.
"Irreconcilable differences", I stated plainly in understanding.
"Yeah. I have to tell you something though. Full disclosure. She stopped having sex with me about a year before we divorced. After a few months, I... I had an affair. It was a one time thing with someone I worked with", Charlie paused and looked at me warily.
"Marianne", I said knowingly.
"Yeah. Anyway, long story short, we had an ugly divorce that ended in me having to move to California in order to not lose custody of Henry. I've had to start over here and meeting you and Nina has been the best thing that's happened to me in a while. You probably don't want to date a man that has cheated on his wife ", Charlie says looking down at his shoes.
"Don't put words in my mouth. I can sympathize with both of you. You can't just give up in your marriage. You have to fight the good fight. Nicole felt like you owed her something and she withheld sex from you instead of talking about what she really wanted. You gave up and had an affair because your needs also weren't being met. When you marry someone, you become one person. That's what the word marriage literally means. To try to be separate or create discord with your spouse by denying them anything is wrong. So, you were both at fault. I don't believe you're a womanizer, Charlie. Everyone stumbles. Everyone falls short. It's not my place to pass judgment", I wait for his response.
"So, you'll give me a chance?", Charlie asks while wiping unshed tears from his eyes.
"Yes. I kissed you didn't I?", I smile and chuckle slightly.
"Yes you did. Most women wouldn't give me that chance knowing what I told you. I don't know why I told you that", Charlie says looking down and away from me.
"Because you want me to trust you. Deep down, you know that transparency is the best policy, with me anyway. ", I say matter of factly. "I'm also not most women."
"No, you're not. That's why I'm drawn to you I suppose. You don't operate on a superficial level. You're above it. You're funny. That first day we met, I knew you were someone that I'd want to be close to because... you felt like home."
"So you like me because of my mouth. That's what you're saying. Sorry, I'm slurring and apparently drooling a bit. Would you mind handing me that box of tissues?", I ask embarrassed and covering my mouth as a small bit of drool has slid out the corner.
Charlie gets up and grabs the box of tissues and hands it to me. I try to dab at my mouth as demurely as I can. I don't want to smear my lipstick.
"Yes. I do like you for your mouth. In every way. You're honest and outspoken. Also, it's one of the very first things I noticed about you."
"Really? It wasn't my breasts?", I try to deadpan, but a smile breaks through at my own brazen joke.
"Jesus Christ!", Charlie laughs.
"Sorry. It was too easy. Things were kind of heavy there for a moment. I was just trying to lighten the mood", I smile.
"Well... you definitely succeeded. See? This is exactly the type of thing I'm talking about. Most women wouldn't have been so bold and made that joke", Charlie laughs through his observation.
"Who says I'm joking?", I smile mischievously.
"Well, I'm a gentleman, so I will neither confirm or deny. I'll just say, you looked like the girl next door", Charlie concluded with a hand on my arm.
"It turned out I was actually the girl next door! Well, across the street", I smiled.
We stared at each other with relaxed smiles on our faces. Charlie decided to change the subject, "So, what do you usually do here when you're on your own?"
"I read or try to work on my novels. Usually I knock out after about an hour and a half when the Benadryl kicks in", I shrug.
"What genre do you usually write?", Charlie crossed his legs and leans back in the chair.
"Mostly romance and comedy. Sometimes drama. Eh, typically there's a little bit of everything. I started writing as an outlet because of my condition. I started with poetry. I needed to have some way for someone to hear my voice, or read my thoughts I suppose."
Charlie asks, "Have you been published?"
"Yeah. Just online. I was offered a contract after I wrote my first novel. It was a story loosely based on my parents. It doesn't pay very much, but hey, it's extra change in my account. What makes me the most happy is that people are actually reading it and when they give me feedback in the comments, it fuels my art", I smile contentedly.
"I'd love to read your work sometime", Charlie says. "I'm very interested to know what types of stories you tell."
"I'll send you the links to some of my works. Please give me notes", I say as I send the links from my phone to his. "Done."
"Wow. You have eight novels and short stories. They look great. I'm excited to check them out. Thank you", Charlie's smile and interest is genuine.
"A friend of mine did the cover art. I'm not so good at computer graphics and tech in general", I stare at Charlie as he studies the covers of my online novels.
"Your friend is very talented. I'm already wanting to dive in and read. Most of these look like they're a little spicy", Charlie raises an eyebrow at me with a devilish smirk.
"There are some erotic scenes in most of the work I do, but it's not like every chapter you're inundated with it. I can't stand novels like that. There's sweetness, bitterness, family, friendships. There's nothing I hate more than a book focused on two central characters trapped inside a love and angst bubble. Boring", I enunciate the word boring with wide eyes.
"I hear ya. Good literature needs levels. It needs to be able to reach your heart, not just your libido. Of course there's nothing wrong with heavy erotica in a novel as long as it's done right. If it's depicted in a realistic way that can still reach your heart... among other places... Jesus! I can't believe we've gone here", Charlie blushes so hard as he laughs and runs his hand through his hair. I just stare at him delightedly.
"Allow me to change the subject then. How do you take your coffee?", I smirk.
"Wow. You really meant we'd come back around to that", Charlie laughs.
"I always mean what I say", I stare pointedly and seriously at Charlie, causing him to sober up a little. I smirk and add, "So? How do you take it?"
"Black. And you?"
"With cinnamon and vanilla creamer. Two splenda. Four if it's a big cup", I sit back and take a sip of my water.
"Hmm. Sweet like you", Charlie nearly hums from his chest with his eyes fixated on my mouth once again.
"I'd totally kiss you again right now if...", before I can finish my sentence, Charlie is out of his seat and bending over me as I'm reclining on my seat. His lips are on mine as his hand rest partially on my cheek, jaw, neck, and ear. His lower lip is so soft and I'm tempted to nibble at him, but this is not the place to get carried away. This kiss is still soft like the first one, but longer and the heat is flooding my ears. My hands have made their way to his collar and the soft skin of his throat as my thumbs skim over him. Suddenly my machine beeps loudly and Charlie quickly pulls away.
"Shit! Did I do something wrong? Are you ok?", Charlie asks in a panic with his hand going to his chest.
I laugh heartily and say, "No! You're fine! You didn't do anything wrong. It's just time for them to change the vial. The medicine ran out."
"Oh my god", Charlie catches his breath in relief and exhales. "I feel like such an idiot", he laughs while pushing his hand through his hair and settles back into his chair.
"You were just startled. Hey, Brit", I say to my nurse as she comes in to change the bottle.
"Hey, mamas! One more bottle to go", Brittney says as she changes the vial. Charlie and I stay quiet while she does this.
Brittney notices this and says, "Carry on your conversation. Never mind me. I do have to take your vitals right now, so maybe you shouldn't talk for a bit Miss Jackie."
"You call her Jackie, too?", Charlie asks with surprise in his voice.
"Yeah. Don't you?", Brittney smile at Charlie before turning to set the drip rate.
"She asked me to call her Jaclyn", Charlie informs.
"Well of course she did. If I had a French name like Jaclyn and not Brittney, I'd probably ask the same of a tall and handsome man such as yourself. It's sophisticated."
I can't help the smile that creeps onto my face as Brittney winks slyly at me.
"Sophisticated", Charlie tilts his head and smiles at me.
Brittney says to Charlie, "Excuse me, hon'. I need to get by you to take her blood pressure."
Charlie scoots his chair back, "Of course. Excuse me."
"Handsome and polite. Two for two! What do you do for a living, Charlie?", Brittney asks as she fits the blood pressure cuff to my arm.
"I direct plays. I actually have one premiering next week. You should come and check it out if you're able", Charlie invites Brittney.
"Oh, thank you for the invite, but I work another nurse job besides this one. I pretty much work seven days a week. Soon, I can quit the other job, but for now I have big bills to pay", Brittney shrugs as she takes my temperature.
"Well, that's a shame. Don't work too hard", Charlie smiles politely at Brittney.
"You're sweet. Treat our girl good. She's our favorite patient. Seriously, we all love her. She's the best", Brittney finishes up recording all the vitals.
"Only the best for her", Charlie's eyes connect with mine.
"Alright. I'll leave you two for now. If you need anything, just press the blue button on the wall", Brittney smiles at us both before she exits.
"Thanks, Brit", I call to her.
"So... do you watch movies in here too?", Charlie points to the tv on the wall.
"Nah. If I do, I watch on my phone. I usually listen to music. They don't care if I play my stuff out loud here. Lots of times, my nurses come into my room dancing."
Charlie points to my phone with those elegant fingers, "May I?"
"Sure."
I hand him my phone and he scrolls through my playlists for a minute. He's nodding his head as he recognizes some tunes he likes. He purses his full lips in appreciation and respect of some others. Finally he says, "Ah."
"What?", I ask him dubiously before I hear the notes of  the Frank Sinatra version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". Charlie holds his hand out to me.
"May I have this dance, Miss Jaclyn?", his eyes are sparkling so sweetly. I can barely believe he's real.
"You may, Mr. Barber."
I take his hand and rise to my feet. Charlie pulls me close to his chest. His hand is resting at the small of my back as we sway. My left hand rests on his bicep as my head rests on his chest. Charlie begins to him and sing along softly with Frank and I find myself humming also, but not daring to sing the words in my current condition and ruin the mood. This is the sweetest thing any man has ever done for me. No man has ever brought me flowers, let alone roses. No man has ever asked me to dance. Well, there was that cowboy in the bar that one time, but this is different. This is comforting, healing, and ... oh so smooth. This man knows what he's doing. How could anyone not love him forever?
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away