West Coast Winter

All I Want for Christmas

I don't need a hundred gifts beneath the tree. Don't you know the best thing you could give to me. Nothing else will do. All I want is you this Christmas.

The radio plays "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole as I drive through the pouring rain to Nicole's house. The house will be filled with Nicole's family including Cassie and her brood, or the cousins as Nicole so affectionately refers to them. When I stepped out of the house this morning, I stared longingly at the house across the street. I wanted so badly to wake up next to Jaclyn and make her coffee. I wanted to wake Nina up this morning and see her little face light up with joy at all the presents under the tree. Next year, everything will be different. I've never wanted anything more than for me and Henry to be a part of this family.

I wait in the wings of the living room and watch Henry open his gifts from all of his family members. It feels weird at times to step back and let Nicole and Carter take center stage on their time. I'm just glad to be allowed to be a part of these family gatherings. All of the cousins take turns opening gifts. There's a joyous chorus of laughter filling the house. I slip into the kitchen to refill my coffee.

I sip my coffee and stare out the window. I watch the rain and my mind is miles away. It's so silly that I miss her even when I know I'll see her in a few hours. I lean against the counter and take another sip as I drift further into the latest little world I've created. It's the place where I can love her the way she ought to be loved. Somewhere I can appreciate her and cherish her every laugh and smile. Jaclyn, my sweetest temptation. My weakness and my strength. I love you more than even I can fathom. I would give up every earthly thing for you, my darling.

Nina can be my child and I can be the father that will love her to my dying day. Her so called father will never know the blessing he left behind. She is truly an angel walking the earth. She is a gift that was sent to her mother to love her. I want to hold them both in my arms and absorb any and all pain that could ever come their way.

I'm lost in this world of newfound love and I've never felt this silly in my life. She's not even mine yet. I will make her mine tonight. I will make it clear to her that there could never be another man that could love her as much as I do. I'm just hoping she feels the same as I do. I'm excited and so nervous that I feel like I might throw up. I let out a deep breath.

I speak out into the void looking up, "God, please..."

"Please what?"

I turn and see Nicole leaning in the entryway of the kitchen.

"Last I checked, you were the opposite of God", I say with a bit of snark.

"Ouch. I'm a lot of things Charlie, but the Devil I certainly am not." Nicole sips her own coffee.

"Sorry. I was just..." I wave upwards.

"Praying. You were praying, Charlie. It's ok. You can say it. I won't laugh. What were you praying for?", Nicole pries.

"I think that's between me and God", I answer.

"And my kitchen", she sips her coffee.

"I was just praying that things work out for me and Jaclyn if you must know." I fling my hand out in resignation.

"I don't think you need to worry about that. That girl has had hearts in her eyes for you since pretty much day one." Nicole shifts from one foot to the other.

"How would you know how she felt from day one?", I ask suddenly curious and a bit nervous.

"The day the two of you met, I was there at the school. I was walking up to the office and I had just waved goodbye to Nina. I saw Jaclyn's face when she saw you take Henry's hand. She stood there and marveled at you for a moment before putting on her sunglasses and walking down the steps to the parking lot. I never would have dreamed that in her condition, she would have the gusto to approach you. Apparently, Karen presented her with a golden opportunity", Nicole concludes with a wave of her hand.