Wonderland (Kaneki x Touka)

Touka

Making it to the hotel with a slowly healing leg was hell. It was hell. The way it was moving made it seem unnatural, but really... it was moving just fine. Everything was in my head.

I was going crazy, wasn't I?

"Ah, Kaneki." I kicked a can out of my way, wincing at the sharp pain. "Always trying to save everyone else, even though you're the one in the most danger." I watched as a few doves surrounded me. "Did you ever think you'd send me off to my death?" I let the words in my head begin strolling out of my mouth as I ended up on the ground.

"I think I should apologise to you, huh?" I laughed coldly, ignoring the doves for the time being and staring up at the sky. "I mean, this isn't your fault. Not at all. If it was anyone's fault - it was mine. I came after you. I thought I was good enough to fight alongside you. I'm not. Not really. I was just cocky." I choked on my own blood for a moment.

"If I can take this many hits and still be able to speak... I feel like that's a true achievement. Nothing like what you've done, but still. This is something to be proud of when I die." I began to think of a will. Something that the people I loved would be able to think of themselves. At least then it would actually be considered a will.

"I want all of my stuff to go to Kaneki." I said, cocking my head as a snowflake fell beside me. I really did love the snow, but I wanted the rain to come back. I closed my eyes against the feeling of the doves' torturous blades sliding into my skin. Over and over.

"I want Hinami to have my room." I choked. Everyone else can have my love and gratitude, because I love you all. I need you all to sort this out as my dying wish. Some stupid stuff and a stupid room. I'm sorry I couldn't give you anything more, Kaneki.

I really wanted to be better. I wanted to have my last fight beside you, and I guess I sort of did, right? I had my last argument with you. I saw the person I loved the most... before I died. It was nice.

Kaneki, ah... I loved seeing your face whenever I woke up in the morning, you know? I really, really loved it. The way your lips would turn up in a smile, and the way you'd ignore my terrible morning breath to lean in and kiss me. You'd do it every night, too.

You seemed to be happy in my company, Kaneki. Everything seemed so bright when you were around, and I couldn't imagine a better way to die - seeing your face. There was no way you could've known you were sending me off to my death. There was no way you could've known that this was the day I was going to die.

Don't worry, Kaneki. I don't blame you. Not at all. You only wanted me to be safe. I wanted you to be safe, so it's only fair that I die in your place. You should have died, and I saved you. Hey, I saved you this time. You would've died if I hadn't of showed up.

I'm not that weak, am I? I felt a proud smile creeping on to my face. I needed to let the world know I wasn't afraid to die. These doves seemed to be enjoying themselves far too much for that. The world seems so bright. Far too bright for it to be natural. I can see your face in my mind, Kaneki. Maybe that's why.

Maybe love can make people do and say crazy things. I know that I was planning to die if you did, but then I imagined how upset that would make you and I backed out of my plan. Is that cowardly? It didn't feel like it at the time. I wasn't - and I'm still not - afraid to die. It can't be that bad. Plus, I could watch over you and Hinami. Maybe I'd get awesome powers and be able to kick ass even when I wasn't there. Like a charm of protection or something like that. That would be so cool, don't you think?

Hey, Hinami, when you get my room don't go into the back panel behind the closet. Something died in there. I don't know what it was, but it's dead and it smells like death too. It's absolutely terrible. I know that if you were here you'd say something like, "Hey, what are you doing?! Get up and fight!" Or something more inspiring. Honestly, you were good at inspiring me even when I didn't have any fight left in me. Even when there was no spark to help you light that crazy flame of inspiration.

Maybe I could live to tell you guys how much I love you. I'll never stop watching you. If you feel like there's something watching you - it's probably me. I need you to know that I love you. I have so much to live for, and I hope you can all live my life for me. That would make me so happy. "So damn happy..."

The knives seemed to penetrate every area that wouldn't kill me. They were strange quinque knives, able to slice my skin. Hey, I wonder...

I felt my kagune as I screamed, and there was a round of collective screaming. There was no way I was getting out of this alive, surrounded by so many doves, but I could make this fight easier on everyone else by going down fighting and taking some doves with me. That would be good, yeah? Would that make you proud, Kaneki?

"All I ever wanted to do was live..." I whispered as I rose to my feet. "I want to live. I want to live so badly. I have so much to live for, don't I?" I asked myself, flexing my fist. "Something like a dove won't stop me from that."

Eventually, after I managed to kill ten or so doves... a knife to the throat was enough to stop me.

A knife, sliding through the soft flesh of my throat and causing me to stop breathing. I couldn't do much more than stare up at the clouds and hear Kaneki call my name. I was unable to respond, but there was a noise of utter shock coming from my left. I imagined he found me.

Did I ever mention I love the rain? I think it makes the world brighter, even if the clouds are darker.