Art Ft. Random Things [2]

IRL Me Doodles

Me, just holding a Monster because that shit is great 😋

Me singing

This because I'm an addict to the song

Lemme explain this one.

So..

I think black and white. There's literally no in between. I think my opinion is the only correct opinion.

I also have days where if I'm having a good day- like today- I think I'm a god. I think I'm superior, I'm best you'll ever get.

If I'm having a bad day, I think I'm the worst person alive, I'm horrible, everyone hates and is going to leave me because they hate me.

Long story short, it's all or nothing , okay? Like said, there's no in between.

This is me on a daily XD

"Please leave..."

Slight mentions of suicide ""

So, when I'm supposed to be mildly annoyed or mad, I'm not. I'm beyond pissed. I feel things at its maximum. When I'm supposed to be sad, I'm not. I'm depressed and suicidal.

When I'm beyond pissed, I tell people "I'm fine" or "leave me alone" because I don't want them to worry and I want to protect them from my rage.

A few minutes after being beyond pissed, I fall into depression. I always feel Like shit when I get pissed because I feel bad I got pissed. I get suicidal as well and want to s/ h.

There's ALWAYS  a trigger as well...

It's like that for a few minutes to a few hours. Then it's... Nothing. I feel nothing. There's no sense of emotion, I don't want to do anything either. It's like I'm perfectly fine and nothing happened.

"They hate me"
"They'll leave me"
"Why did I say that?"
" Everything's gone wrong"
"I can't trust people"

This goes on in my head on a fucking daily. It's constant and it is reoccurring often. I am very scared of people abandoning me, hating me which will leave them to that. The slightest thing (like on Friday, I accidentally took some girls seat and I got depressed and mad for a few hours) can ruin my whole fucking day. I'm sensitive to schedule changes. I hate them so fucking much.

I always question why I said something, no matter what it is. I also have a hard time trusting people. I get suspicious that people want to be friends or get to know me only to get something back or to use the info against me. Or to hang something over my head. I don't trust talking to others about my mental state, as I feel like they'll get annoyed with me and won't care, as well as put pity on me. Those three and I also feel they'll put me in a mental hospital...

If I talk about my mental state, it's not for pity. I don't want pity, I want help.

Me, leaning against a wall, looking down at my foot. "I hate myself..." I really do ""

Ahaha I have wounds on my hands that were self-inflicted. I'm fine, they're healed.